State of Obvious

The world is hard. Hard days, hard times, hard faces. Uphill. Sometimes I want to just stop the spinning. Stop the whirling, flying, crashing motion. I want to be still. I can feel the breathing, beating rhythm of change. Every moment advancing. An endless march of moments. Everything morphing into something new. Most of the time not even realizing it. Most of the time feeling like we are standing still, aren't we? Outside the sun sinks low. Dropping into tomorrow without even a sound. Just light. The world is hard. Hard faces, hard times, hard days. Downhill.

I asked you tonight what the very best thing was about being Carly.  I was expecting some kind of sweet, funny, interesting, touching answer.  But you said: Playing in my room. So here are my top seven very best things about Carly: 1.  You love life.  You spin, dance, sing, jump, run, whistle and flip your way through it. 2.  You love your daddy with your heart and soul. 3.  You have an endless, unquenchable curiosity (sometimes a bane, but really a blessing). 4.  You never turn me down when I ask for a snuggle. 5.  You try really hard to be good. 6.  You are a little daredevil; you want to swing higher, go faster, swim deeper, jump farther. 7.  You're my little baby girl, now and forever. Happy birthday!

These days I don't feel much like writing.  Which is sort of a lot alarming since it's how I plan to make my living when I'm all done with school.  I mean, what is that?  It's silly, that's what it is.  Did I run out of things to say?  My husband probably would answer that question with a firm NO.  Maybe I have too much to say, but I can't or shouldn't or won't.  So I read this really funny (though a little swear word heavy) book review after our cousin linked it up on facebook.  The thing that made it really funny was the gifs.  Now, I'd link this review but it's not really appopriate for polite company and we're just going to pretend you're all polite.  Sorry.  To make up for it, I'm going to shamelessly steal the gimmick and use it here to update you on all the (you almost care about them) important events of my life from the last couple of months that I haven't been writing about.  First I was having a great summer...

I sometimes wonder what my children will remember when they get old, like me.  Because 35 is just so, so ancient.  You know, compared to 34.  Or 30.  It's kind of a shock, actually, but I'm off track. I used to think I would remember so many things.  The color of my favorite dress, perhaps.  The deserty smell of Tucson (not to be confused with the desserty smell of Thanksgiving pie).  The names of my very best (for the moment) friends.  The little moments of childhood that seemed so large and important. But I don't remember much of it at all.  Little glimpses of the past, so tiny they often feel unreal.  In fact, I don't really even remember the early days of motherhood - Josh's first laugh, for example.  So important at the time, and now lost in the dusty folds of memory.  I remember moments, tiny little moments, and not much else.  I remember feelings, but mostly those feelings are overtaken by the feelings of today....

So. Hi. Yep, still here.  Sort of.  Have you ever had one of those stretches of time where it just all blends into a stream of colors, and you aren't even really sure what you've been doing?  Something like sitting on a merry-go-round and watching the trees turn into streaks of brown and green.  That's my summer. Except, don't forget the part where the merry-go-round comes unhinged and goes bouncing across the lawn while everyone screams.  And when it comes to rest, you stand up and wobble around for a minute before you run over to a bush and ... well, let's not talk about it. I've come to a realization.  Nothing happens the easy way.  Nothing happens while you're just sitting around watching TV.  Nobody rings your doorbell and gives you a thousand-million-trillion dollars.  Your car doesn't magically fix itself.  The roof doesn't seal up that hole its sporting.  Your kids don't get smarter.  Your homework doesn't d...

I got to check out of my life for almost a month. I got to stick my feet and hands in the sand, feeling the joy of small and simple things. I dreamed fantastical dreams, imagining what it would be like to live in those big places with lots and lots of money and very little worry. I got to act silly for absolutely no reason.  Just because it felt good. And dance lightly across the pounding waves. And for a little while, everything was perfect. I highly recommend it. *special thanks to Cha-Cha, Queen of Legos, for the great pictures and letting us visit*

Some days I can't seem to un-grit my teeth.  Do you have that happen?  Every muscle seems to be tensed up, waiting for something to happen, ready to pounce.  I told myself to relax at least five times today - and yes, I was counting.  Because it seemed completely unreasonable, even to me. Here's a funny little update/fact/tidbit/snapshot/thing.  Carly, lately, likes to start sentences with "Mom, I just need to tell you something."  Usually, what she has to say is some kind of explanation.  Like, what she wants to do and why I should let her.  Or, what she thought it would be just fine to do but now she's not so sure.  She has also grown fond of the phrase "Just so you know."  "Mom, just so you know, I didn't do it," or something to that affect.  It's been going on for a good month now.  Josh, on the other hand, doesn't have a lot of cutesy phrases these days.  His phrases are more like sighs.  Or, my favorite,...