No Longer Alice

I've been blown about in the wind lately with so many choices on the table.  Do I get a job (that choice hasn't really been my own, no one will hire me!)?  Do I stay home and write?  Do I try my hand at Etsy?  Do I continue to freelance and hope for more assignments?  Do I send out a self directed, weekly article to publishers hoping to get picked up by a paper?  Do I go back to school?  Do I pursue opening a restaurant? There seem to be so many options, none immediate, all requiring varying degrees of personal risk.  Stretching myself to meet new obstacles is not exactly my strong point.  

Today I took a little more control.  For a while now I've been living with the fear: What if something happens to Eric?  I have no way to make a living.  I have no bankable skills that translate into immediate income.  We do have life insurance, enough to make us comfortable while I got things under control, but long term I am - quite simply - not prepared.  So a couple of months ago I applied for federal financial aid and received a favorable reply (say that 5 times fast), much better than I'd hoped for actually.  And today I filled out the application to return to UNM, where I started my college career going on 15 years ago.  I'm excited and afraid all at once. 

 

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - From Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll