Skip to main content

Speaking of speaking....


This picture is of Joshua a couple of years ago, the outfit is of his own choosing...
So Joshua comes out of his room tonight, after he has only been in bed for 10 minutes or so, and he is crying. "What's the matter?" I ask. "I want to spend more time with my parents," he sobs. Hmm, I wasn't expecting quite that answer. "You always want to go to Gramma's house, honey, so we don't get to spend time with you very much," I reply. "But I don't want to grow up," he cries. "I want to stay with you. I don't want to be 20!"
I was expecting that even less.
It's my own fault - well Eric has a part to play in it too. We keep telling him to slow down, stop growing up so fast, and apparently he is listening a little to carefully. But, how do I explain to my seven year old that growing up is natural and good, while all the time I am thinking that I wish he would never change and that he would stay mine forever? He is so sweet and kind and amazing and frustrating and interesting and silly and funny and bratty and wonderul all rolled up into one! I can't imagine not having him here to tickle and pinch and kiss and hug...and yet I know the time will come when my little bird will be skipping from the nest. Not for a good long while, mind you, but considering how fast seven years has come and gone.......
Motherhood is bittersweet, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Comments

Jennifer said…
He's so sweet. I really miss him. He takes everything so literally and that look he gives you when he is thinking something over, like he's forty in a seven year olds body. Remember not matter where he is and what he does in life - he will always be your boy and you will always be his Mommy. And by hte time he leaves the nest Carly will be a teenager and you may have you hands too full to mourn much! :) Hugs!!!
Sarah said…
Gosh I miss you. When are you coming back?
Oh, I can hope can't I?

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life.

People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a sturdy …

Fragmented re-introduction

I dreamed a dream once of what this would be like.  Of life.  Of patterns and songs and ticking off boxes to find my way. 

Trouble was, I keep looking at the wrong list.

This year's list:

- Turn 40 (check)
- Move again (check)
- Send the boy on a mission (check)
- Finish admin license
- Get lost (check)
- Get found (check)
- Lost again (check)

Wait, that went off track. 

Adulthood is a lot of getting off track.  And back on.  It's weird.

I thought at 40, I would have it all together.

But, I'm barely keeping it from falling apart. 

Weird.

So, this is me where I am now.

40, working, waiting.  My boy's on a mission in Boise.  My girl's 12 going on 20.  My husband hates his job most days, and loves it alternatively.  Same for me.  We live in a small town I don't like very much and dream of going somewhere else, but we don't know where that is. 

I want to be a writer, but I don't spend time writing.

I read something the other day that gave me hope: Guy Fieri…

It feels like...

Having an (almost) teenage daughter can be...quite an experience. 

"I hope you have a kid just like you," so the saying goes.  Usually, you only hear this if you're a rough kid.  I was a rough kid - in some ways.  I gave my mom a pretty hard time.  And, if she wished for a kid that was 'just like me' to come along as payback - the parent gods smiled on that wish.

Today (after a pretty tragical and frustrating encounter) Carly said: I just needed to get mad at somebody.  I don't know why.

Well, if that doesn't sum up teenage angst, I don't know what does.

It also kind of applies to adult angst.  Some days I just want to be mad at somebody and walk around stomping my feet.  Today I felt like that.  In between good things, though, so at least there's balance.

And balance is tricky this days, too.

It feels like the house is a wreck (it mostly isn't, but sort of is).

It feels like I'm swimming in work and can't catch up (this one is very tr…