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Showing posts from August, 2009


We need more chairs. Every time people come over for dinner, I become even more painfully aware that we don't have enough.

But I don't really want chairs, per say. I'd rather have a cozy sectional. Or a cute little bench that doesn't hurt your bum. (Do those exist?)

Floor pillows? Too low. Nobody wants to get up from a floor pillow.
Recliner? To bulky and only enough room for 1.
Love seat? Possibly. If I could find the right one.

I'm kind of bugged by the position of our pellet stove. The stove plus two built in bookshelves take up one whole wall of our family room, severely limiting furniture placement. It irritates me in a "gosh dang I'm lucky" kind of way.

World hunger? Meh. Global warming? {snicker} Immunizations? National health care/Ted Kennedy? Michael Jackson's homicide? Lindsay Lohan's home robbed? Pshh, I don't need to sweat these major issues!

I've got a severe lack of seating, people, and it's not going to solve itself.

The Night Before Sunday

It's Saturday night, the house is still, the children abed, the husband asleep. Finally it's my time.

My time to think, to write, to watch, to listen.

Later, I will go and tuck the blankets up 'round the sleeping babes. I will put dishes in the sink, shut off lights and stumble my way to my waiting bed.

But, that's later, when my time is over and it's back to mother time.

I contemplate different ways to use my time, craving satisfaction from the brief moments of respite. It's not that I am running away. Or that I'm desperate for solace. More that, this is my rest. Eventually I will sleep, dream, toss, turn, and mumble through til dawn.

Not yet.

There is a brief window of time, when the stars show just enough twinkle to tantalize, revealing stolen moments. In the quick shadows, I shed the lists and to-do's and expectations so that I can step into myself for a while.

Soon the night will end, fading away beneath the sweeping rays of the sun. But, that&…

Good, Bad, Ugly

The good:

- Carly loves preschool.
- the fence is up.
- Josh finished his homework.

The bad:

- there is no preschool on Fridays.
- there is not enough fence to go all the way across the back yard.
- Josh forgot half his homework at school.

The ugly:

- there is no preschool on Fridays. (She really loves it.)
- the fence is bubbly and crooked. (But I don't care enough to fix it!)
- I think part of my brain fell out while Josh was doing his homework. (Seriously.)

Bonus - the funny(on our way out to finish the fence):

Carly: Mommy can I use the hammer?
Me: Yes, I'll let you hammer a little bit after I get these clips in.
Carly: Josh, come on, it's hammer time!

Good Things, Redux

Pepto Bismal - yeah I said it.

Eric doing dishes.



Ice cold water.

Completed homework.

Gorilla bars(granola bars to everyone but Carly).





Warm blankets.

Josh in Carly's crocs. (More funny than good, I'll admit).

Snail mail.

Paying off debt.

Sleep.I already said that.


TV is Educational

Have you guys seen that show on A&E, the one called Hoarders. It's about hoarders, aka people who collect and keep lots and LOTS of stuff to the detriment of their lives and families. I know, shocker. But bear with me while you reel from that revelation, okay?

I was watching it tonight, you know, when I couldn't sleep. (I can never sleep. I don't sleep. Until morning and then I have a hard time waking up. Go figure.The sudden revelations I'm pouring out for you tonight are just almost breathtaking.) Where was I? Oh, yes. Tonight on Hoarders they featured this lady, somewhat old but not like one foot in the grave old, who had this weird need - nay addiction - to collecting food. Not eating it, mind you. Just shoving it in her fridge to rot. Or her freezer. Or, you know, when she ran out of room inside things she just left the food on her floor. On her floor, rotting, with flies crawling all over it. Seriously, I've seen a lot of gross things - dir…

Times and Seasons

Sometimes we wish for rain. We hope for that brilliant storm to come rolling in with flashing lights and booming sound. We long to be washed clean as the water streaks down from heaven. We embrace the chaos and go running through the rain, feet splashing in the puddles, mouth open to catch the cold drops. Sometimes, we let go.

Sometimes we wish for sun. We pray for that crystal clear day of vast blue sky. We look eagerly for puffy, drifting clouds and makes shapes of them in our mind's eye. We strip down to our basics and go hopping about, absorbing the happiness. We bathe in the glory of the daylight. Sometimes, we hold on.

Sometimes we long for moonlight. We gaze up at the silvery glow and sigh, happy with the meager beacon's gentle beaming. We examine the changes around us, amazed at how different things seem in softer shades. We let our spirit wander through soft dream-filled fields. We wish on stars, regardless of how possible the outcome is. Sometimes, we rest.

Sometimes w…

Fiery Furnaces and such

The last couple of posts are just down right de press ing. I know. I'm sorry.

But you should know, I feel slightly better this evening.

First I hiked with Josh and Carly (uphill both ways with no shoes, mind) to the hill way at the back of our yard. There was lots of cactus so I was forever telling the kids to watch out. For cactus. Watch out! I think sometimes Carly was put on this earth purely to teach me to open my eyes. We gathered stones and dry wood. No one got poked. The wheelbarrow tipped over 2 times when Josh tossed in rocks with too much impatience enthusiasm.

Then we sat out by the (completed thanks to Eric) fire pit and listened to the wood crackle and disassemble into ash. Everyone should have a fire pit, it's theraputic. We toasted too many marshmallows, I can feel one sticking to my rib as I type. The wind was sweeping dusk across the sky, ushering trouble away like a broom making quick work of the dirt. We told Carly to watch out. For fire. Watch out! We yelled a…

It was negative, of course

And I've spent the better part of a day rolled up in a ball, internally, 'having speaks' with myself about why that's okay.

I'm not thoroughly convinced. And inside feels like I'm all mashed up.

The other night I couldn't sleep, as usual, and I stayed up really late. Finally around 4 a.m. I gathered myself up and headed to bed. I went through the living room, stopping to close the curtains, and I was pulled outside by the moonlit night.

Out there the sky spread out, dazzling with stars and a crescent moon, and I stood under the thick band of the Milky Way with awe thick in my heart. For a moment, that expanse of midnight blue all pockmarked with silver filled up all my empty spaces. Man made lights of yellow and blue and orange crept along at ground level, a meager reflection of the night above, but they could not hold my eye. It was the stars that flashed white and red and silver that kept my focus. I wondered, as I watched, who was looking back down at me…

Things I tell myself

We're taking a break from your regularly scheduled "Oh look at my kids and what I'm doing for them because I'm awesome or at least I pretend to be kids kids kids!" post to list a few of the things I like to tell myself about - oh - every 6 months:

1. I don't want it to be positive, I'm happy with where my life is right now.

2. I have two great kids, I'm happy with that and I shouldn't be whining when I'm so blessed.

3. I really didn't want to change diapers again anyhow.

4. I've almost got the youngest in school.

5. I'm getting old (seriously, 3 gray hairs plucked while waiting in the car for Eric), and I don't want to have small children in my 40s.

6. We only have 2 kid bedrooms anyhow, so someone would have to share.

7. I barely have enough patience for the two I've got. Make that, I don't have enough patience...

8. I can't afford to go shopping for new clothes. For anyone.

9. I like sleeping through the night …

Royal Command

The big back to school feast slash birthday party is tomorrow. TWO MAR OH! Shoot, that was fast.

Anyhow, this was the invites. We had a grand time destroying burning the edges and despite a couple casualties, I think they turned out pretty well. I know it seems like a lot of effort for just a little family party, but it made Josh so happy to go the extra mile and make it special.

Today I'm baking the cake. I've decided to attempt the coliseum...attempt being the key word...and for good or ill, I'll post the results. I've also got to whip out some place cards for the god and goddesses visiting tomorrow. At some point. I love waiting last minute to do stuff (no really), I always do my best 'work' under pressure.

Happy Saturday!

The Eleventh Day of August

I became a change-ed person some 11 years ago, yesterday. My world was flipped upside down, tossed about, turned side ways and then rearranged into a proper perspective.

That was the day my boy was born.

All my expectations of what it was to be a parent were ridiculously off. First of all, there was no pleasure like holding my silver-eyed star. There was no exhaustion like meeting his needs at all hours of the day. There was no frustration like hours of crying (from both of us). There was no joy like his first smile, first laugh, first pat on my back. My life, previously focused on the me, suddenly became focused on the he.

His first birthday, a big shin-dig with cousins and aunts and uncles and friends - was a celebration of survival (IE we were both still alive).

His second, third and fourth birthdays were a blur and somewhere in between he went from babe to boy; brown eyed now with delicious chubby cheeks, a reckless smile and easy manner. He was the easiest kid, perfectly content to j…

Roman Holiday

Last year we had our first ever "Back to School Feast." The idea came from this post by Nie over at NieNie Dialogues. Our theme last year, which I did take pictures of but did not come out (that's another story), included a table loaded down with 'treasure' (fake jewels and necklaces from Party City and Josh's treasure box), fancy china bowls and candy dishes filled up with mini fruits and other sweets, fresh baked rolls, a roast (because Josh had to be castle appropriate), drinks from Grandma Annie's red glasses (typically set aside for Christmas but the most gobletish cups I had at the time), plastic crowns, fancy gold place mats, napkins and napkin rings (purchased on clearance) and gold paper plates.

This year we are repeating the tradition but with a Roman theme. Why Roman? Josh is currently obsessed with all things Mythology (and he hasn't even read the Percy Jackson books despite my encouragement) and has spent basically the whole summer with hi…


Why faith?

Is it just something to hold on to? The ground under our feet when everything is spinning? Do we have faith in God, faith in others, faith in ourselves simply because - as humans - we need to believe in something better?

Why are we always striving, always changing, always - for lack of a better word - evolving? Surely the human body, brain and experience has changed from when it began. We talk differently, act differently, dress differently, socialize differently, raise children differently, even believe differently. What for? Faith in a better end-product? Faith that by bettering ourselves, we better the future?

Why do we lose faith? Does it just vanish, a puff of smoke through our hands? Or perhaps it is a flower, untended and withering to die? Maybe a weed would be more appropriate - growing quickly only to blow away at the first mighty tug? Does it weaken when untested, becoming lax and pliable like an un-worked muscle? Or maybe it just can't withstand the …

Looking Back

You used to irritate me, drive me absolutely out of my mind With jealousy With anger With claustrophobia.
You used to tease me all the time, just to see me frown With frustration With irritation With impatience.
Now those things don't matter so much.
Now you amaze me, when I watch you as you father With patience With kindness With humor.
Now you make me laugh, just to see me smile With joy With safety With love.
Those things matter so much.
Happy Birthday, my brother, my friend.

Dear Carly,

Today you are turning four.

That's 1461 days.


35,064 hours.


48 months.

(In case you ever wondered.)

Somewhere along the way you made up your mind that you are, in fact, the center of the universe,the sun in the sky, the ruler of moods, the maker of dreams, the changer of minds, the shooting star.

You didn't get that from me, it is just part of you.

And while I don't always appreciate the insistence with which you grab hold of your chosen daily destiny, I admire your sense of self. I admire your confidence, your entitlement, your solid belief that you are a Princess. The Princess. You have surprised me, amazed me, infuriated me, confused me. You have blessed me, changed me, comforted me, stretched me, stupefied me. You have healed my wounds, you have confirmed my belief in a bigger plan, you have knit the frazzled ends of my soul. My life is better and happier because you are in it. And I am grateful.

I hope, as life goes speeding by, you never forget just how miraculous you ar…

One Grumpy Cookie

It's Monday

'Nuff said.

Picture here.