This is one of those days when I question everything about me. I wonder if I made a colossal mistake, going back to school. I wonder if I've chosen the right path in school. I wonder if my major and minor are even within my realm of possibility. I wonder if I'm just doing what feels easy instead of what feels right.
I wonder if I should have kept Carly home for another year. I wonder if children are mean to her, if they single her out because she looks different, if she bosses them around, if she listens to her teacher. I wonder if she feels safe. Is safe.
Currently my son is sitting in the back office, crying. He is crying because he is Frustrated, capital F, because I questioned his work and asked for more. He feels like a failure. I caused that. I wasn't even trying to criticize him. I was trying to get more from him, to pull some of the brilliance from his head, to get him to put some more effort and pride into his work. I didn't raise my voice. I didn…
Re: "The real question is how much homework did you end up with. Tomorrows question will be how sore are you from carrying all the books, supplies, and electronics while sprinting (this is a relative term) between classes." - Anonymous
Only minimal amounts of homework were given on day 1, I do not expect that trend to hold.
Morale still high, back a little sore from carrying a pack that weighs more than my youngest child. Lack of sleep from pent up excitement proves to be a real obstacle and almost caused a late arrival to the solitary class of the day. Wildlife today seems more relaxed, although in their haste to migrate one almost ran me over with her wheeled contraption.
The training schedule will have to be modified YET AGAIN thanks to moronic leadership (and I'm not talking about mine. I mean really, why offer a class that requires a lab but then limit the lab spaces available?)
Morale is high, a significant boost resulting from pure adrenaline has catapulted me through half of the day. No sign of wildlife, only newly introduced species visible babyosa freshmanis (aka freshmen).
Observations: students on the first day of class are all basically the same - afraid. Most look sick, about to be sick, or lost. A few brave students venture out and make new connections without trouble, but this variety is rare. Encountered one close up, a fellow regurgitated student. My obvious advanced aged led her to identify and seek me out.
Only problem so far: no food and a poor choice of current location. An obvious food supply source is clearly in view (and downwind) but I lack the correct tribute currency.
A short list of recent events because I am terrible at phone calls and really should do a better job of keeping my family that is far away informed about our life events.
- Joshua started school today. At home. I still think I might be a tad crazy (okay, a lot), but I'm really hopeful that we make some real progress with the boy.
- Carly did not start school today. She went and did some placement testing and we'll find out on Thursday who her teacher is. She begins school promptly on Friday morning. After they all have breakfast together and sing songs. Well, probably not the singing songs part but definitely the breakfast part.
- I start school next Monday. That's right, less than 1 week. My back pack (or pack back if you're Carly) weighs approximately 500 pounds. I'm afraid I'm going to fall down and be stuck like a turtle on its back, unable to get up. Good thing I went ahead and bought a heavy duty back-pack-pack-back to contain it all. …
It is only natural I think a lot about motherhood in the first two weeks of August. On the 11th day of a very hot August, the boy came along. After long hours of labor and terror, he transformed me from bloated-whale-expecting to Mother. At the time it didn't feel very magical. It felt pretty terrible. But then they put him in my arms for the first time. And I understood.
This, this is life.
The second time I became a Mother was a whole different kind of labor. It was more of an internal pushing and pulling and screaming. There was pain and fear too, but a different flavor altogether. I can't say that every step of the way was wonderful, but there were some magic moments. Moments when I felt guided and protected and assured. There was a lot of waiting too, and wondering. A lot of worry. But then they put her in my arms for the first time. And I understood.
This, this too is life.
While Motherhood is something I can claim as a birthright, the Mom thing is a whole lo…
1. Five nicknames: Little Diva Carborator Car Bar Principessa Carly Barly 2. Five favorite things: Daddy Makeup Dolls Shoes Chocolate 3. Five silly words/phrases: Fridgerfrator Renaissance vegetable Special Brauts Hambaburger My brain is coming out my foot 4. Five things to adore: That spunk That mile wide smile That crazy hair That sweet, nuturing soul That boundless energy 5. Five years since you've been mine.
From time to time I think about new blogs I'd like to start. For fun, or money, or just because the idea won't go away. A few examples:
"Momnonamous" - a blog wherein moms can post anonymously about the good and bad things in their life. Although I disclose a lot of information on this blog, sometimes I just wish I had a place to rant. While my loving husband absorbs most of my angst, sometimes the angst directly involves him and he doesn't take that quite so well. Enter "Momnonamous" where I can just get those feelings out, dangit. There are a few sites like this in existence, usually they post weird stuff that I personally have no interest in sharing and/or reading though.
"Spokes" - an Albuquerque day trip blog. If you've read my blog for more than a day, you know we like to jump in the car and see where it takes us. We've found a lot of interesting places, some boring places, some places we'll go again, and some places …