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Showing posts from March, 2012

Growing Up

I've decided the hardest part of being a parent is the absolute absence of control.  At first, of course, you feel completely overwhelmed by just how much control you have.  Decisions about eating, sleeping, clothing, activities, schools - it can be overwhelming to make every small decision.  But over time, they grow up.  You blink and

BOOM

They're almost 14.
They're thinking about how fun it will be to drive.
They're looking at girls.
They're staying home alone.
They're making choices, choices, choices - not all of which you like very much.

The control was all a cruel illusion.  And now it's gone.

But, what is infinitely worse, is when you see the train wreck coming.  The little signs of trouble ahead.  And all different kinds of trouble.

Perhaps I could be more specific.

There's this boy at church.  Maybe there is more than one, I am not sure.  This boy likes to say things about my son.  Mean things.  Hard things.  But not to my son's face, no.  B…

Forget Me Not Thought

Forget not that the Lord loves you I dream about things sometimes, you know?  Build big castles in the air, floating on clouds, sailing through the blue.  I wonder, what would I do?  With a million dollars - a thousand dollars sometimes.  If I was famous.  If I finally did write that book.  Happy, good, childish dreams.  Nightmares, too, but we won't talk about those.
Have you ever sat and listened, just listened, to the in-out-in of breathing?  To the delicate way air flows in and sighs back out?  Have you ever felt the heaving in-out-in of a child's chest as they slept?  Right next to your thrumming heart, their warmth making you sweat.  Have you traced the gentle curve of their chubby cheek, moving so softly they twitch from the finger's kiss?  You should try it.
I often get distracted.  Building those castles can be very time consuming, filling me up.  Eventually, I realize those fluffy dreams are nothing more than vapor, and so they disappear.  But, not only dreams.  …

Explore or shut the door?

Becky McGee lived in a small blue house with green shutters smack on the corner of Allowiptus and Ash.  As corners go, this wasn’t a bad one to live on.  Ash was a quiet, two lane, tree lined street with flower beds and picket fences.  There were 13 houses on Ash in a variety of sizes and colors, but mainly white, off white, cream, and ivory.  There was a smattering of tire swings and plastic slides, one disheveled looking sandbox, and one house with boarded up windows that hadn’t been lived  in for a while.  Even this lone abandoned boarded up house was neat and prim with bright red shutters and an empty dog house out back,  just waiting.
Allowiptus, for its part, was home to only a single house.  Becky McGee’s small blue house with green shutters.  The lawn was not very big, but not very small.  The flowers were bright, but not too bright.  A flag whipped in the wind on a tall pole out front and a lamplight was timed to turn on precisely at 8pm each night.  It was a very pleasantly o…