Observations for the New Year
This might be kind of random, but it's what is on my mind today.
I went shopping at the grocery store...always a depressing trip. Food prices are really taking a bite out of our pocket, especially it seems like we spend 2x as much just having Poppa living with us. Probably because he wants all kinds of special stuff that we never bought before. I grit my teeth every time the total pops up. I even clipped some coupons today in a feeble attempt to save some money. I saved about $10 on our $200 bill. Ouch.
When I was loading my groceries up onto the belt that leads to the cash register, it got a chuckle out of the person in front of me. Have you ever noticed that at the grocery store, if one of the dividers is not available to put between the orders people create a huge artificial barrier? It's like we're afraid our groceries might touch each other. The person ahead of me put a nice 6 inch barrier between our orders and even after we got one of the plastic doohickeys, he moved his groceries up away from mine like I might contaminate his products. Pretty funny.
I took down the Christmas tree and now the living room feels very dark. There is a huge gap in the corner where it was standing but we are getting a new entertainment center so I haven't moved the furniture around to compensate. The house is feeling really cozy, and not in a good way. I feel a bit like a litter of puppies all tumbling over each other and competing for space. The search is on for a house to rent and/or buy. In Michigan right now there are pages and pages of foreclosures in the newspaper but nothing is quite cheap enough for us to take it "as is" condition. Too scary.
I had a whoops moment while I was driving home from the store today. A game we play with Carly right now is to ask her where everyone in the family is one by one. "Where's Carly" we ask and she pats her chest and says "right here" in her little voice. "Where's mommy?" and she points and answers "right here!" In the car I was going down the list of family members (daddy at work, Poppa is sleeping) and I asked "Where's Grandma?" Which one, Josh wants to know. And the whole reality comes tumbling back in that both my moms are not right here and one mom is so far that I can't hear her voice or see her sparkling blue eyes for a very long time. I thought I was in the clear for holiday blues, but we have spent New Years at mom's house eating Chinese food for the past 6 or 7 years. Its all those little details that are the hardest to cope with, especially when the emptiness sneaks up suddenly.
And finally on to the New Year's Resolutions:
I'd love to lose some weight and help Joshua get more healthy.
I'd love to save some money and be able to take a trip to California to see my sissy without crunching my wallet to do it.
I'd like to write more letters and be better about returning phone calls, remember birthday cards and appointments.
I'd like to keep the laundry caught up and my house respectable.
Most of all...I'd like to NOT beat myself up when I fall down trying to do all those things above, that would be an accomplishment indeed.
I went shopping at the grocery store...always a depressing trip. Food prices are really taking a bite out of our pocket, especially it seems like we spend 2x as much just having Poppa living with us. Probably because he wants all kinds of special stuff that we never bought before. I grit my teeth every time the total pops up. I even clipped some coupons today in a feeble attempt to save some money. I saved about $10 on our $200 bill. Ouch.
When I was loading my groceries up onto the belt that leads to the cash register, it got a chuckle out of the person in front of me. Have you ever noticed that at the grocery store, if one of the dividers is not available to put between the orders people create a huge artificial barrier? It's like we're afraid our groceries might
I took down the Christmas tree and now the living room feels very dark. There is a huge gap in the corner where it was standing but we are getting a new entertainment center so I haven't moved the furniture around to compensate. The house is feeling really cozy, and not in a good way. I feel a bit like a litter of puppies all tumbling over each other and competing for space. The search is on for a house to rent and/or buy. In Michigan right now there are pages and pages of foreclosures in the newspaper but nothing is quite cheap enough for us to take it "as is" condition. Too scary.
I had a whoops moment while I was driving home from the store today. A game we play with Carly right now is to ask her where everyone in the family is one by one. "Where's Carly" we ask and she pats her chest and says "right here" in her little voice. "Where's mommy?" and she points and answers "right here!" In the car I was going down the list of family members (daddy at work, Poppa is sleeping) and I asked "Where's Grandma?" Which one, Josh wants to know. And the whole reality comes tumbling back in that both my moms are not right here and one mom is so far that I can't hear her voice or see her sparkling blue eyes for a very long time. I thought I was in the clear for holiday blues, but we have spent New Years at mom's house eating Chinese food for the past 6 or 7 years. Its all those little details that are the hardest to cope with, especially when the emptiness sneaks up suddenly.
And finally on to the New Year's Resolutions:
I'd love to lose some weight and help Joshua get more healthy.
I'd love to save some money and be able to take a trip to California to see my sissy without crunching my wallet to do it.
I'd like to write more letters and be better about returning phone calls, remember birthday cards and appointments.
I'd like to keep the laundry caught up and my house respectable.
Most of all...I'd like to NOT beat myself up when I fall down trying to do all those things above, that would be an accomplishment indeed.
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