Wednesday, September 10

Notes to self

For future referance. Because just like I state the obvious and I write in very disjointed ways, I am prone to repeat mistakes. It's like recycling. Without the bin.

Dear Self:
Your daughter is very cute and - it has been said by people I am not related to - quite pretty. Do not let this cute, pretty child fascinate you to the degree that you are tempted to try out all the sparkly baubles, aka earrings. I know that they make little girl earrings so irresistable and shiney. Remember that all that glitters is not easy to put back in to her tiny little ear holes, especially when she wiggles.

Dear Self:
You remember that the guy said to wait a month before taking out the new shiney earrings? 3 weeks is NOT the same as 1 month. Neither is 2.5 weeks. 30 days, self. You might even want to go for 31 next time.

Dear Self:
When your daughter can't be tempted by chocolate bars, playing with Princess 'Scaralet' and isn't distracted by talking about the gunk in the garage it might just be time to pretend you are French and surrender. If that doesn't tip you off, the scratching and screaming should be a clue that you just aren't going to get those earrings back in. Just's probably not worth it for ear bling.

Dear Self:
When your brilliant plan to clean her ears turns into a brawl with the DIVA, don't seek solace from your husband. He might just turn to you and ask "Is it really worth it?" and that's not comforting.

Dear Self:
No matter how many times you tell yourself that you were 'cleaning her ears' or that you were 'just trying to save frustration because she is going to cry tomorrow for earrings', it just isn't true. You mostly wanted to see how the other earrings looked, just accept it.

Dear Self:
Next time you decide to engage in a battle of wills with the DIVA remember how you felt when you were lying on your bed, defeated. Remember that your feelings of self worth and your confidence in your parenting ability are wrapped up in that kicking, squirming, screaming, scratching child. Also, you just might have a flash of premonition of how she will be as a teenager and it will scare you.

Dear Self:
Keep all these tips in mind for next time. Yes, I did say 'next time'. That's right, your stubborness* means that her little tiny ear holes are going to close back up and you will have to hold her down again when she decides to get her ears repierced. Way to go, self.

*I am not stubborn. No, really. I'm not. Neither is my sister**, just ask her. We are not stubborn.

**I miss you Cha Cha, Queen of Legos. Thank you for coming to help heal my heart a little.


Jared said...

You make me laugh so hard. I LOVE your sense of humor.

Sarah said...

Holy cow, Pam, that was the fastest comment ever! I was still trying to get the formatting right!

Heather said...

Hilarious, seriously. This makes me NOT want to pierce Brynners ears anytime soon. Thanks for the deterrent.

Anonymous said...

I think Carly would add a "HELLO" to your note to self. Put some of the sparkly nail polish on the spot (after they heal of course), and count that as good enough until she is a bit older.

Seriously, you should have taken her to visit the corpse bride and taken along the can of whipped cream. She would not have moved :)