I'm sorry, Eric. I have a new love.
I think you might have suspected there was something going on.
It's not you, it's me.
If it makes things better, I promise it is purely a physical relationship.
When we met in the store for the first time, I couldn't help myself.
"Hello darling, you are coming home with me," I said.
There is room for all of us, although I don't plan to share.
I hope you won't mind if their lovely leather smell fills up our bedroom. It can't be that much worse than the...ahem...other smells I encounter from time to time.