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Dear Facebook

You intimidate me.

Sincerely, Me

---

You know Facebook? Well, it doesn't look like a book at all, and if you aren't careful you'll see a whole lot more than faces. There is also a plethora of annoying applications that are worse than a pyramid scheme. But, all and all, I dig the Facebook.

Except for one tiny detail: friends.

More specifically, I don't have any (other than the posse {fist bump}, they've got my back...).

See back in high school I was a dork. (I'm still a dork, you don't have to point it out.) I wasn't a complete outcast, but I wasn't cool either. I was one of those in-between kind of people. The popular kids tried to cheat off me in Chemistry (suckers) and the not-popular kids didn't (all) hate me. I had a pretty steady group of kids that I hung around with, I had a couple of friends who were uber-popular, I didn't go to the parties or the dances, I wasn't in drama club or sports. The guy I went to prom with, I was his 3rd choice, the friend that would say yes. I did write for the paper one year, sports even - but I'm afraid that really only cements the dorkiness. I was just around. Come to think of it, that is pretty similar to my adulthood.

A whole ton of the people I went to high school with are on Facebook, even some of their parents and older siblings. I have an ok friends list going, all people that I actually remember and like, it's pretty cool to see how they have grown and changed. There are friends there from my grown up life too. I'm always flattered and excited when I get a friends request because that means someone remembers me - or at least they acknowledge we lived in the same town or went to the same school almost 15 years ago. I'm not a total memory black hole.

Here's the thing. I'm scared to "Add as Friend" for a couple of reasons. First, what if the person I click on doesn't like me? Or worse, they don't remember me? And they just ignore the request instead of breaking my heart? Every time I submit a request I sweat over it. Because, see, I know what I was like. I was a dork. And not always a nice one, at that. Sometimes I said or did or thought really crappy things. I remember them still because - well, they were crappy, right? Even people who I considered my closest, best friends - I still analyze my dorky behavior and wonder if I mortally wounded our friendships with some of the things I did, or said, or didn't do. In fact, the person that I considered my very best friend in high school didn't invite me to her wedding. It made me wonder, I still wonder, if I'm a delusional dork.

And scary, scary Facebook is dredging up all of these old feelings on a - pretty much - daily basis.

I figure I can't be a totally awful person because Heather actually chatted with me when we were both online the other day. And, she's pretty darn cute. PLUS, she makes cakes. Not just frosted crumbs - actual lovely cakes. Yes, she made that. Hello, goddess!

And I've had a few people ask me to be their friend, so that's good too. There have even been a few surprise requests.

But people don't comment very often (other than the posse, now and then, because they rock) and clicking that "Add as friend" link makes me grit my teeth.

Maybe I'm having an identity crisis.

Or, like I said, I'm just a dork.

Comments

llegue said…
I say embrace your inner dork...I know I do. :) You're cool.
Lacey said…
I feel exactly the same way! I am so scared to add people! You are one step above me: I'm scared to chat too. What if they don't really want to talk to me? What if I don't have anything interesting to say? I rarely start IM conversations because what if I'm interrupting something.

Aarrgg! We just need to bite the bullet and try it out. Then if things don't work out great, be grateful for the posse that's always got your back. 'Cause friends are about quality not quantity, right?
Heather said…
HA! So funny that you think that. I was considering not chatting with you because I didn't want you to be like all "ok, hello you were annoying when you were 15 stop bugging me on facebook and my blog" See, we all are dorks inside. Thanks for the cake compliment!
AMS said…
you done good with me, I answered back... but I'm still waiting to find out if I'm included in your posse... if you're a dork, I really, really want to be a dork, too (I think I'd make a pretty good one, I've had bit of experience).
AMS said…
oh, and if the stupid people ignore your friend requests, it's their loss because you are awesome!
I will be your friend.

And yes, facebook is intimidating. Especially when I see that some people have, like, 500 friends. I have ... ummm ... 80ish? I think? Not sure. But here's my thing: I actually TALK to these people. I highly doubt that some of THOSE people actually communicate with 500 facebookers.

Sigh. Why do humans make EVERYTHING a popularity contest, eh?
looneyschoony said…
ditto to all of the above... Uh oh Wendy logged on, better log off. Isn't funny how a lot of those teenage insecurities still linger?I was so glad you sent me a friend request. I will admit, my memory is selective and almost all of my memories of teenage life in NM are good, including you :-)

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