Chart a Course

-
Do you ever wish to find Neverland?  To never grow up, never change, never lose the spark of youth that shines on the glimmering days of childhood?

I wish it, and yet I don't.

I wish for innoncence regained, for hopeful thinking and absolute confidence in the unseen.

I wish for someone else that can make my choices for me.  Someone else that knows the wisest course and steers me down it with a steady, sure hand.

I wish for falling asleep at bedtime and pure, crystal-clear dreams that might come true.

And yet I don't.

I never realized that the sure and steady hands that lead me were just a little bit unsure.  I never realized that behind the guiding light was a flickering flame.  It was only magnified by the driving need to keep the ship on course.  I always thought my parents knew mostly what to do and how to do it.  I never questioned how they got that knowledge, I just assumed it came with the grown-up package.

It really, really doesn't.

There is comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who was ever overwhelmed at the crossroads.  There is strength is knowing I am not the first to weary the Lord with prayer.  There is beauty in asking questions and not getting answers right away.  There is wonder in not getting the answer I expected, too.

We don't know what to do.  We are floundering and confused and worried and afraid.  But, we're going forward anyhow.

It's part of growing up.

A lesson in trust:  Isaiah Chapter 50 verse 10 (as suggested by the wise and powerful QofL, Cha-Cha) -

"Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light?  let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God."

A lesson and a warning: verse 11 -

"Behold, all ye that kindle a fire, that compass yourselves about with sparks: walk in the light of your fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled.  This shall ye have of mind hand; ye shall lie down in sorrow."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

-
Image
I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life. People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a stur
Read more

M is for Mother

-
Motherhood is more than carrying a child in your womb for 9 months. Motherhood is more than daily wiping of noses, cleaning of faces, filling of bellies. Motherhood is more than driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. Motherhood is part of being a Woman, but not all of it. It is part of growing up, for some of us. It is conducive to gaining appreciation, but not for everyone. I was still a child myself, really, when I became a Mother. Joshua and I did a lot of growing up together. We both learned a lot about sacrifice. I learned how to say good-bye to him in the morning, he learned that separation from Mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. Especially since he got to go to Grandma's house (which, sorry Disney, was the happiest place on earth). I learned I could love someone until my heart might burst and be completely enraged at the same time. He learned that the wrinkling of my forehead was not a good sign for anyone. We learned a lot about time, more specifically abo
Read more

And I didn't prepare a speech!

-
Image
My first, and probably only, blogger award! Yay! Thanks to That Girl in Brazil, not only uber cute but uber sweet. I'm supposed to pass on the love to other bloggers by linking them and then posting in their comments. But, seriously, how much more ad space do you guys need? Ok, ok, fine. I pick Mary cause she totally posted her flip flops. And justRandi cause she said she'd come to my house if I sent her an invite. And llegue because she made reference to a certain male body part while shopping in Wal-Mart, plus she beats me at games. and Heather because she makes me giggle and she comments even when my posts are lame. Just passin the <3 I feel super guilty for not linking everybody. But, you wouldn't be on my blog roll if I didn't think you were super cool.
Read more