I wish it, and yet I don't.
I wish for innoncence regained, for hopeful thinking and absolute confidence in the unseen.
I wish for someone else that can make my choices for me. Someone else that knows the wisest course and steers me down it with a steady, sure hand.
I wish for falling asleep at bedtime and pure, crystal-clear dreams that might come true.
And yet I don't.
I never realized that the sure and steady hands that lead me were just a little bit unsure. I never realized that behind the guiding light was a flickering flame. It was only magnified by the driving need to keep the ship on course. I always thought my parents knew mostly what to do and how to do it. I never questioned how they got that knowledge, I just assumed it came with the grown-up package.
It really, really doesn't.
There is comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who was ever overwhelmed at the crossroads. There is strength is knowing I am not the first to weary the Lord with prayer. There is beauty in asking questions and not getting answers right away. There is wonder in not getting the answer I expected, too.
We don't know what to do. We are floundering and confused and worried and afraid. But, we're going forward anyhow.
It's part of growing up.
A lesson in trust: Isaiah Chapter 50 verse 10 (as suggested by the wise and powerful QofL, Cha-Cha) -
"Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God."
A lesson and a warning: verse 11 -
"Behold, all ye that kindle a fire, that compass yourselves about with sparks: walk in the light of your fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled. This shall ye have of mind hand; ye shall lie down in sorrow."