I think I am a reactionary person. I let myself get all worked up and then later, when I'm not seeing red, I feel really bad. And stupid.
Want to know something else about me? Quite often, I avoid looking at myself in the mirror. I regularly stick out my tongue at my reflection when I do look. I examine pictures of myself to see if there is anything worth seeing.
I also talk a lot. Not at first, when I don't know you, but later when I am comfortable. I talk like I know a lot too. But I don't know much at all. I am good at making educated guesses. I have somewhat mastered sounding smart without being smart.
When people point out that I am good at something, or compliment me because I have done something well or lost weight, I avoid doing that thing again. Because the attention is uncomfortable.
I hate going into crowded rooms. I dislike meeting new people. The phone is the bane of my existence (which is kind of funny because most of my 'courtship' was via the phone). I am terrible at small talk. TERRIBLE. Sometimes I get so uncomfortable trying to make small talk that I start to repeat myself, babble, sweat or shake. I do not like making eye contact with people I don't know.
I really like personal space. I am not a hugger. I always feel a little awkward when other people are hugging each other and I don't make the 'right' motion to hug people too. I can see them look at me, expecting contact, and I can not move fast enough out of the way. I don't mind hugging my really close friends and family. But that's about it.
I can be a really mean person. I gossip way too much. I am extremely critical of people I don't like or people that have wronged me. I hate lying and it takes a long time to win my trust back if I know that a person has lied to me.
I dislike the sound of my own voice.
I know I have good qualities too. I don't need a list of them to know they exist. They just seem very small in comparison to the mountain of badness that spins around inside me.
The best I thing I can say about myself, though, is that I'm trying.