We need to talk. A serious kind of talk.
You see, you're not living up to your promises. I keep hearing how your 30s are the best time of your life. Sure, I am a little more confident than I used to be. I'm a tad bit more comfortable in my own skin, but not much.
But, you know, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, first off, I'm still on the wrong side of chubby. Shouldn't the pounds just fall off now that my body has 'matured' and junk? What's up with parts of me travelling uphill? Suddenly my middle is really thick feeling and I find that quite annoying. At the same time, other things are rapidly going downhill. I'm not talking boobs yet, but I think that has more to do with that whole wrong side of chubby thing. That and they've always hung a little low. Am I sharing too much? Oh, sorry.
Back to things going downhill. It's really contradictory and confusing, some things going up and others going down. It's giving me vertigo. Things hurt when I wake up in the morning. My ankles in particular. What's up with that? And my knees pop. And there is this twitch in the middle of my forehead the last couple of days - I know that's new, but I'm blaming it on aging.
I'm also a little perturbed by these gray hairs. They seem to be multiplying even after I pluck them. (You're not supposed to pull them out, they grow back thicker, more, yadda yadda - I don't care, I'm pulling those suckers out!) I'm only 32, I really don't think it is appropriate to go gray. I've convinced myself, to some degree, that they're more silver than gray. But, that doesn't mean I like it.
I'd appreciate it if you'd start giving me some positive aspects here, 30s. I don't need much. Maybe some extra swing in my hair or a suddenly increased metabolism. I really thought I was supposed to be wiser at this point. That's not asking for a lot.
Let's work together, 30s, after all we've only got 8 more years until the new administration takes over.