Tuesday, July 21

Yes and No

My dad always says: Are you better off today then you were five years ago?

Hmm, let me think...five years ago...I was -

- A mother of one. He was 5 going on 6. So that's a No.

- I was desperate to have another baby. Okay, maybe not desperate, but I was certainly eager. And willing. And wondering why I didn't have another baby. I was punishing myself with frequent abandon for my barren-ness. I don't (usually) do that any more. So that's a Yes.

- I was living in a crappy little mo-bile-home that was constantly breaking. No, seriously, we call the little love nest "ShangraCrap". Our new house is a friggin' palace in comparison. So that's a Yes.

- Eric's Momere (that's pseudo-French for Mom and his nickname for her) kidnapped my baby boy every single weekend. After watching him all week so I could work. While recovering from a liver transplant. So that's a No. I miss her so.

- Eric's Daddy was her kidnapping partner. He's not here anymore either. So that's a No. I miss him more than I expected I would.

- Eric was on the verge of landing his first pay-me-what-I'm-worth job. And it's only been up from there. Did I mention he won employee of the quarter again? This after taking the whole second half of June off to move across the country. Did I tell you that he has won it 3 of the 5 times they have awarded it? No? Well, I wouldn't want to brag. So that's a YES.

- Five years ago I was working part time for way more money than I deserved. Now I work full time for nothing. But, it's still a definite YES.

It's surprisingly hard to remember who and what I was five years ago. I hope that I'm a changing person, that I have a broader view of life and a better handle on how I want to live. I hope that I'm kinder and softer, that I'm more patient. Lately my children, bless them, are pushing me to my limits. I spend a portion of my day gritting my teeth and yelling at them to stop yelling. Don't think I miss the irony there.

In five years I don't want to look back at today and realize I am still the same. So, I'm trying to yell less. I'm trying to react less. I'm trying to be more active, to participate more in their world.

I've noticed that I push the people around me to be just like me. I want Eric to say 'excuse me' when he burps. I want Josh to read more books. I want Carly to sit more still. I want people to share my opinions and follow my advice.

But the truth is, people don't need to be just like me. They shouldn't be just like me. I'm working on that too.

Am I better off today than five years ago?

I'm trying.
p.s. the picture is an old Roman calendar, courtesy of this site.

1 comment:

Heather said...

I'm totally there with the yelling about not yelling.

Hooray for Eric and his stellar employee skills!! I can't wait until we land a "pay me what I'm worth" job.