Learned the hard way

-
My son couldn't sleep tonight, tossing and turning. Oh, and crying. A lot of crying. My poor little tender hearted boy just can't understand some things. Math, for one. And capitilization. Those subjects just don't connect inside his mind. But that's not why he was upset tonight. In fact, if you asked him why he was upset (I did several times, even though I knew the answer) he would have replied "I don't know!"

The little man was upset because his Grandmother's dog died. She was hit by a car after she got outside the fence and ran into the road.

At first it wasn't clear if the gate was left open or if the dog found a hole and squirmed out. (I'm actually favoring option 1 because Josh said he left the gate open at first, only to later change his mind.) Either way, the puppy ran away. She liked to play this game where she ran outside the fence and when you called her name, she wouldn't come. She would turn back and look at you, her crooked teeth poking out, and kind of half-doggy-smile like "What are you gonna do about it?" And if you ran after her, she ran faster. And if you called her she just looked at you, head cocked sideways. Eventually she would allow herself to be tempted into the yard. Sometimes.

Driving home we had a conversation about consequences. It didn't start out that way. I mostly wanted to take away the guilt Josh was feeling about the maybe open-maybe not gate. Either way, the dog ran out of the yard and into the street instead of staying inside the fence. So we talked about rules, about how we make rules to protect and not to constrict. It can be hard staying inside the 'fence' and you often want to get out. But, the rules are there to protect us from the consequences of going outside the fence. It wasn't supposed to be a conversation about the bigger picture, but Josh got "IT" in a way he never has before.

Now, after a glass of milk, a hot shower, and more tears the sweet not-boy, not-man is sleeping. He still doesn't understand some things, and doesn't want to talk about some things. But then, neither do I. I guess there is still growing up to do.

Popular posts from this blog

On Becoming

-
Image
When my daughter was born, a new person was born inside of me.  One that thought a lot more about what it meant to be other, outside, and different.  I had lived my whole life inside the comfortable confines of being a middle class white person.  Sure, my parents struggled and lived on the fringes of consumerism.  We had enough, but only just.  My dad worked hard, my mom worked hard, and we got by with enough.  I never spent a whole lot of time considering what not enough looks like.  I had what I needed, I never went hungry, and my parents provided toys and movies and other entertainments that are the hallmark of what we might consider American life. But, when my daughter came to us with a complicated background, this new person inside me started to wonder.  Why were circumstances for others so different from my own?  How would her life be different with another family? What if her birth mother had decided a different path?   These questions, and lots of others, were pushed and enlarg
Read more

Forty three

-
 My sister told me I should blog again.  A lot has happened since I did this thing - I'm a little rusty.  In the last few years, I've sort of relinquished the dream of being a writer - like, a real writer, not a hobby writer - and so the act of writing became...less.  Less important, less often, less satisfying.  It's an instrument out of tune. Why relinquish the dream? Life got busy.  A lot has changed.  In the 5 years since I blogged regularly: My son graduated high school and went on a two year mission for our church. My daughter turned 12, 13, 14, and 15.  Fifteen!   We moved a couple of times. Trump became president.  I got a job and started teaching, then principal-ing and now director-ing.  I'm buried in it right now. My brothers both moved away. A pandemic. My parents moved away (just last week, after a long time planning). And lots of other small and big moments, mashed together in a blur. Now here I am, still trying to figure me out.   I used to think that whe
Read more

And I didn't prepare a speech!

-
Image
My first, and probably only, blogger award! Yay! Thanks to That Girl in Brazil, not only uber cute but uber sweet. I'm supposed to pass on the love to other bloggers by linking them and then posting in their comments. But, seriously, how much more ad space do you guys need? Ok, ok, fine. I pick Mary cause she totally posted her flip flops. And justRandi cause she said she'd come to my house if I sent her an invite. And llegue because she made reference to a certain male body part while shopping in Wal-Mart, plus she beats me at games. and Heather because she makes me giggle and she comments even when my posts are lame. Just passin the <3 I feel super guilty for not linking everybody. But, you wouldn't be on my blog roll if I didn't think you were super cool.
Read more