Skip to main content

There are times

when I look around my little world and think


How did I get here?  This is not the direction I was pointing myself to go.  I had


Big plans.

College.  Law school.  Novels.  Money.  Style.  Class.

I was going to change the world, one word at a time.

Somehow I ended up washing faces.  And bottoms.  And floors.  And windows.  Dusting shelves and wiping counter-tops.    Somehow the highlight of my day turned into shopping at the thrift store.  (I bought 3 one dollar records on Monday: Glen Miller, Camelot, and South Pacific.  Yes, records.)

I've discovered that I have a lack of bankable skills.  Which is ironic since I used to be a teller.  For five years.  But apparently that wasn't enough for a local bank to hire me as a teller.  {boggle}  And I have discovered that being at home for five years is akin to never working at all.  I'm very discouraged because I really need a job right now.  Yesterday right now.

The disturbing realities of life keep butting up against my very hard head.  The pull to do more, be more, buy less, whine less, provide more, teach more, learn more is stretching me so far I'm practically Gumby.  Maybe when I get around to an actual real hair cut, I'll have it dyed blue too.  It'll help hide the gray hair that keeps coming back.


Betina said…
Man... I hear ya sista! Learn how to knit. Really, it keeps me feeling productive.

Thanks for the Battle boats idea. We are TOTALLY going to try that. Anything to help with fine motor control is really helpful. It will also be a good church game, I am sure.

Carly is getting so big. Ivy is wearing her dresses now. Thanks again SOOO much.

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life.

People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a sturdy …

On being away from home and turning sixteen: a letter to my son

Dear Josh,

I missed your sixteenth birthday.  I'm sure you recall - or maybe it wasn't so bad because you spent the whole day with your friend watching movies.  Godzilla and Guardians of the Galaxy, you've said.  It's no surprise to me that Godzilla was your favorite of the two.  That atomic green monster holds a special place in your heart.

It was very difficult for me to be away from you when you crossed this threshold in your life.  I remember turning sixteen, being sixteen, and wondering when I would feel like I was actually sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I went and found my first job, I started driving myself around, and I pretty much felt like I was in the wrong skin.  I'm only now, at 37, beginning to feel in the right skin.  Or at least comfortable with the skin I'm in.  But you - well, you don't seem to have a problem being you.  I can't explain how very happy that makes me feel, how very reassured.  Because it can be really hard not to like you…

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

You know when you see someone again and it's been, like, forever, and you're not really even sure that you're getting their name right and you wonder WHAT on EARTH they've done to their hair/face/body/children and you can't quite find the right words to fill the gap between time and space?
My second year of teaching is just beginning - and isn't that a wonder?  Last year...let's just say, we all survived.  Last year involved:
- Commuting home (2 hours, one way) almost every weekend - The kids and I here (in Espanola, where I teach) while Eric stayed in Edgewood - Putting our (still for sale) house on the market - Two semesters of Master's classes (what was I thinking??? on the up side, I only have 1 semester left and I am DONE.  D. O. N. E.) - Saturday's spent in professional development - My first ever "work trip" to San Diego 
And this year:
- Josh is a Senior (whuuuut!) - Carly started 5th grade - We all live here in Espanola (double WH…