Contradiction

-
I am that girl, the one who sits in the back row and doesn't meet your eye.

I am that girl, the one who looks busy reading or writing or something.  I'm focused on something that seems absorbing or important and I don't notice you noticing me.

I am that girl, the one who recognizes you.  But you don't recognize me and I don't remind you who I am.  I give a little smile and keep walking, hoping that you won't see my cheeks flame red, hoping I don't look afraid.

I am that girl, the one who abhores small talk and really stinks at making it.  I can never think of a relaxed and clever thing to say and so I usually say nothing.  Or even worse, I ask the same thing twice.

I am that girl, the one who is called 'quiet' or 'reserved.'  I've even been called 'stuck-up.' 

I am that girl, the one who didn't live up to all her potential.  The one who didn't finish school, who didn't walk the path expected, who happily settled into another life.

I am that girl, the one who admires what you're wearing and wishes she had the confidence to pull it off too.  But doesn't.

I am that girl, the one who doesn't want sympathy at all.  Who doesn't want any kind of attention.  Who would rather you thought everything was peachy keen.

I am that girl, the one who doesn't mind that you didn't stop by.  Who rather likes that you didn't stop by, actually.  Who doesn't want to talk on the phone, who replies to email so fast it's almost pathetic, who prefers one step of disconnect.


And yet, I am not that girl.  





Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

-
Image
I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life. People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a stur
Read more

M is for Mother

-
Motherhood is more than carrying a child in your womb for 9 months. Motherhood is more than daily wiping of noses, cleaning of faces, filling of bellies. Motherhood is more than driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. Motherhood is part of being a Woman, but not all of it. It is part of growing up, for some of us. It is conducive to gaining appreciation, but not for everyone. I was still a child myself, really, when I became a Mother. Joshua and I did a lot of growing up together. We both learned a lot about sacrifice. I learned how to say good-bye to him in the morning, he learned that separation from Mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. Especially since he got to go to Grandma's house (which, sorry Disney, was the happiest place on earth). I learned I could love someone until my heart might burst and be completely enraged at the same time. He learned that the wrinkling of my forehead was not a good sign for anyone. We learned a lot about time, more specifically abo
Read more

And I didn't prepare a speech!

-
Image
My first, and probably only, blogger award! Yay! Thanks to That Girl in Brazil, not only uber cute but uber sweet. I'm supposed to pass on the love to other bloggers by linking them and then posting in their comments. But, seriously, how much more ad space do you guys need? Ok, ok, fine. I pick Mary cause she totally posted her flip flops. And justRandi cause she said she'd come to my house if I sent her an invite. And llegue because she made reference to a certain male body part while shopping in Wal-Mart, plus she beats me at games. and Heather because she makes me giggle and she comments even when my posts are lame. Just passin the <3 I feel super guilty for not linking everybody. But, you wouldn't be on my blog roll if I didn't think you were super cool.
Read more