Tuesday, March 8

Answering

A while back b-happy, a very talented photographer and writer and mom, posed the question "Is it worth it?" and I've been thinking about that off-and-on for a while.


Is it worth it?

On days like today when I did more yelling than talking?
On days like today when I'm trying to write a paper and forgetting to pay attention to my kids?
On days like today when my husband is making dinner again, not to mention helping with homework, doing errands, getting children to school on time in the morning with lunch in hand, holding down a full time job, and just generally doing all the things I don't do?

Is it worth it?

Despite all the yelling, all the frustration, all the dirty floors and bathrooms, all the questions I can't answer, all the moments that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with them, it's totally worth it.

I read skimmed an article about a woman who decided she didn't want to be a mom.  After she already popped out two kids.  It's not really a change your mind kind of thing.  It's not really something you can do when the round, innocent eyes of your offspring are staring up at you.  Even in cases of adoption, a process with which I am familiar remember, you don't just stop being a mother.  Carly knows she has a birth-mother and me.  You can't separate her from that fundamental truth of her existence.  And why, why would you?  You can stop wanting, stop loving, stop hurting, stop thinking, stop holding but you can't stop DNA - spiritual or physical.  These are my children, Josh and Carly, no matter what decisions they make.  No matter what roads they take.  No matter if they hate me and run away.  No matter if they love me and cling.  They are mine and I am theirs every single day from now until we cease to exist.  And that is a long time.

Sometimes I forget, but today I remember:  It's worth it.

2 comments:

Pam said...

Amen to that! Such a great reminder to me when I feel like my brain is going to e-splode. :)

laraine@eddfam.com said...

Your kids are so lucky, and I am so lucky to read your blog.