Answering

-
A while back b-happy, a very talented photographer and writer and mom, posed the question "Is it worth it?" and I've been thinking about that off-and-on for a while.


Is it worth it?

On days like today when I did more yelling than talking?
On days like today when I'm trying to write a paper and forgetting to pay attention to my kids?
On days like today when my husband is making dinner again, not to mention helping with homework, doing errands, getting children to school on time in the morning with lunch in hand, holding down a full time job, and just generally doing all the things I don't do?

Is it worth it?

Despite all the yelling, all the frustration, all the dirty floors and bathrooms, all the questions I can't answer, all the moments that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with them, it's totally worth it.

I read skimmed an article about a woman who decided she didn't want to be a mom.  After she already popped out two kids.  It's not really a change your mind kind of thing.  It's not really something you can do when the round, innocent eyes of your offspring are staring up at you.  Even in cases of adoption, a process with which I am familiar remember, you don't just stop being a mother.  Carly knows she has a birth-mother and me.  You can't separate her from that fundamental truth of her existence.  And why, why would you?  You can stop wanting, stop loving, stop hurting, stop thinking, stop holding but you can't stop DNA - spiritual or physical.  These are my children, Josh and Carly, no matter what decisions they make.  No matter what roads they take.  No matter if they hate me and run away.  No matter if they love me and cling.  They are mine and I am theirs every single day from now until we cease to exist.  And that is a long time.

Sometimes I forget, but today I remember:  It's worth it.

Comments

Pam said…
Amen to that! Such a great reminder to me when I feel like my brain is going to e-splode. :)
8:47 PM
laraine@eddfam.com said…
Your kids are so lucky, and I am so lucky to read your blog.
3:32 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

-
Image
I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life. People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a stur
Read more

M is for Mother

-
Motherhood is more than carrying a child in your womb for 9 months. Motherhood is more than daily wiping of noses, cleaning of faces, filling of bellies. Motherhood is more than driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. Motherhood is part of being a Woman, but not all of it. It is part of growing up, for some of us. It is conducive to gaining appreciation, but not for everyone. I was still a child myself, really, when I became a Mother. Joshua and I did a lot of growing up together. We both learned a lot about sacrifice. I learned how to say good-bye to him in the morning, he learned that separation from Mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. Especially since he got to go to Grandma's house (which, sorry Disney, was the happiest place on earth). I learned I could love someone until my heart might burst and be completely enraged at the same time. He learned that the wrinkling of my forehead was not a good sign for anyone. We learned a lot about time, more specifically abo
Read more

And I didn't prepare a speech!

-
Image
My first, and probably only, blogger award! Yay! Thanks to That Girl in Brazil, not only uber cute but uber sweet. I'm supposed to pass on the love to other bloggers by linking them and then posting in their comments. But, seriously, how much more ad space do you guys need? Ok, ok, fine. I pick Mary cause she totally posted her flip flops. And justRandi cause she said she'd come to my house if I sent her an invite. And llegue because she made reference to a certain male body part while shopping in Wal-Mart, plus she beats me at games. and Heather because she makes me giggle and she comments even when my posts are lame. Just passin the <3 I feel super guilty for not linking everybody. But, you wouldn't be on my blog roll if I didn't think you were super cool.
Read more