Skip to main content

Forget Me Not Thought

Forget not that the Lord loves you

I dream about things sometimes, you know?  Build big castles in the air, floating on clouds, sailing through the blue.  I wonder, what would I do?  With a million dollars - a thousand dollars sometimes.  If I was famous.  If I finally did write that book.  Happy, good, childish dreams.  Nightmares, too, but we won't talk about those.

Have you ever sat and listened, just listened, to the in-out-in of breathing?  To the delicate way air flows in and sighs back out?  Have you ever felt the heaving in-out-in of a child's chest as they slept?  Right next to your thrumming heart, their warmth making you sweat.  Have you traced the gentle curve of their chubby cheek, moving so softly they twitch from the finger's kiss?  You should try it.

I often get distracted.  Building those castles can be very time consuming, filling me up.  Eventually, I realize those fluffy dreams are nothing more than vapor, and so they disappear.  But, not only dreams.  Sometimes it's chores that claim my attention.  Or school.  Grades.  Dinner.  Clothes.  Sleep.  Pride.  Sometimes they combine into a blur of noise and the real things get lost.  Buried deep.

I'm trying really hard.  To be less mean and much more patient.  I don't often succeed.  I'm trying really hard to read good books, keep things clean, share the load without complaining how it's handled once I've given it over.  I'm trying hard to love myself, to see beyond the reflection and into the soul.  I want to have a good soul.  I want to take risks, knowing they won't all pay off.  I want to dream bigger, make castles that do more than just float in the air.  I want to be kind and thoughtful and generous.  Most days the list seems very long, the road impossible, the path too thorny, the vessel to imperfect.  Some days I just feel so tired.

But, then when I am just ready to set the burdens down, I remember.

"No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!
He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the [children] of His kingdom. The Psalmist wrote:
“When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;
“What is man, that thou art mindful of him? …
“For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.”
God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes. The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow." ~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

First Forget Me Not Thought Here
Part Duex Here


Well I just read this post and the one above it. First the one above it...I feel that loss of control over things in Zaya's life and the realization that we had better have a good relationship now to be able to weather all the storms later. Having kids does nothing if not help us understand our Saviors love for us and how he would be willing to take all our sins upon spare us if we choose to repent. This post is good too, it's SO important to be grateful and aware of all our blessings to stop and just focus on one thing and let everything else slip away. You're a good writer, when are you starting a book?

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life.

People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a sturdy …

On being away from home and turning sixteen: a letter to my son

Dear Josh,

I missed your sixteenth birthday.  I'm sure you recall - or maybe it wasn't so bad because you spent the whole day with your friend watching movies.  Godzilla and Guardians of the Galaxy, you've said.  It's no surprise to me that Godzilla was your favorite of the two.  That atomic green monster holds a special place in your heart.

It was very difficult for me to be away from you when you crossed this threshold in your life.  I remember turning sixteen, being sixteen, and wondering when I would feel like I was actually sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I went and found my first job, I started driving myself around, and I pretty much felt like I was in the wrong skin.  I'm only now, at 37, beginning to feel in the right skin.  Or at least comfortable with the skin I'm in.  But you - well, you don't seem to have a problem being you.  I can't explain how very happy that makes me feel, how very reassured.  Because it can be really hard not to like you…

Fragmented re-introduction

I dreamed a dream once of what this would be like.  Of life.  Of patterns and songs and ticking off boxes to find my way. 

Trouble was, I keep looking at the wrong list.

This year's list:

- Turn 40 (check)
- Move again (check)
- Send the boy on a mission (check)
- Finish admin license
- Get lost (check)
- Get found (check)
- Lost again (check)

Wait, that went off track. 

Adulthood is a lot of getting off track.  And back on.  It's weird.

I thought at 40, I would have it all together.

But, I'm barely keeping it from falling apart. 


So, this is me where I am now.

40, working, waiting.  My boy's on a mission in Boise.  My girl's 12 going on 20.  My husband hates his job most days, and loves it alternatively.  Same for me.  We live in a small town I don't like very much and dream of going somewhere else, but we don't know where that is. 

I want to be a writer, but I don't spend time writing.

I read something the other day that gave me hope: Guy Fieri…