Growing Up

-
I've decided the hardest part of being a parent is the absolute absence of control.  At first, of course, you feel completely overwhelmed by just how much control you have.  Decisions about eating, sleeping, clothing, activities, schools - it can be overwhelming to make every small decision.  But over time, they grow up.  You blink and

BOOM

They're almost 14.
They're thinking about how fun it will be to drive.
They're looking at girls.
They're staying home alone.
They're making choices, choices, choices - not all of which you like very much.

The control was all a cruel illusion.  And now it's gone.

But, what is infinitely worse, is when you see the train wreck coming.  The little signs of trouble ahead.  And all different kinds of trouble.

Perhaps I could be more specific.

There's this boy at church.  Maybe there is more than one, I am not sure.  This boy likes to say things about my son.  Mean things.  Hard things.  But not to my son's face, no.  Behind his back so that people laugh and step away and my son doesn't know why.  What makes this slightly, but not much, better is my son's purity of heart.  He is unfailingly kind.  He doesn't see or hear those mean things, even when they are right in front of his face.

Man alive, it stings my soul.  I can only imagine that light-bulb moment, when my son realizes people are mean.  My heart starts pounding just to think of it.  I am so afraid he will be crushed.  I want to spare this pain.  I would take it myself to spare my son.  I would rather suffer a thousand times than have his heart break once.

But I know heartbreak is human.  And I know my son is not perfect.  He says and does things that are not always so wonderful.

Nevertheless, this mean boy - I want to punch him in the face.

Comments

Heather said…
So sorry Josh has to deal with this. I'm even more sorry he has to deal with this at church, a place he should be loved and accepted. Kids are mean.
10:09 AM
Sarah said…
I wish I could say church is a safe haven...growing up in our ward wasn't too bad - nobody was outright mean to me. But I'm sure not everyone felt that way. It's much harder to handle as a parent, I think!
11:15 AM
Pat said…
Read one of my favorite books that deals with this: Charlie's Monument. It only takes one hour- although really less, because you only need to read the beginning. Other than that, I'm sure you know it'll be made worse if you intervene. Unless it's outrageous and then I'd go to the bishop. My heart breaks for you and Josh! I was always made fun of, mostly from people at school, but often from church girls and even some of my church leaders. I've always had low self esteem and that sure didn't help. Maybe I'm stronger now because of it? I don't know, but people like that really suck.- Karisa
12:21 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

-
Image
I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life. People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a stur
Read more

M is for Mother

-
Motherhood is more than carrying a child in your womb for 9 months. Motherhood is more than daily wiping of noses, cleaning of faces, filling of bellies. Motherhood is more than driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. Motherhood is part of being a Woman, but not all of it. It is part of growing up, for some of us. It is conducive to gaining appreciation, but not for everyone. I was still a child myself, really, when I became a Mother. Joshua and I did a lot of growing up together. We both learned a lot about sacrifice. I learned how to say good-bye to him in the morning, he learned that separation from Mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. Especially since he got to go to Grandma's house (which, sorry Disney, was the happiest place on earth). I learned I could love someone until my heart might burst and be completely enraged at the same time. He learned that the wrinkling of my forehead was not a good sign for anyone. We learned a lot about time, more specifically abo
Read more

And I didn't prepare a speech!

-
Image
My first, and probably only, blogger award! Yay! Thanks to That Girl in Brazil, not only uber cute but uber sweet. I'm supposed to pass on the love to other bloggers by linking them and then posting in their comments. But, seriously, how much more ad space do you guys need? Ok, ok, fine. I pick Mary cause she totally posted her flip flops. And justRandi cause she said she'd come to my house if I sent her an invite. And llegue because she made reference to a certain male body part while shopping in Wal-Mart, plus she beats me at games. and Heather because she makes me giggle and she comments even when my posts are lame. Just passin the <3 I feel super guilty for not linking everybody. But, you wouldn't be on my blog roll if I didn't think you were super cool.
Read more