Skip to main content

It feels like...

Having an (almost) teenage daughter can be...quite an experience. 

"I hope you have a kid just like you," so the saying goes.  Usually, you only hear this if you're a rough kid.  I was a rough kid - in some ways.  I gave my mom a pretty hard time.  And, if she wished for a kid that was 'just like me' to come along as payback - the parent gods smiled on that wish.

Today (after a pretty tragical and frustrating encounter) Carly said: I just needed to get mad at somebody.  I don't know why.

Well, if that doesn't sum up teenage angst, I don't know what does.

It also kind of applies to adult angst.  Some days I just want to be mad at somebody and walk around stomping my feet.  Today I felt like that.  In between good things, though, so at least there's balance.

And balance is tricky this days, too.

It feels like the house is a wreck (it mostly isn't, but sort of is).

It feels like I'm swimming in work and can't catch up (this one is very true).

It feels like for every step forward I take, I take 5 steps back - whether that's financial or career-wise or just as myself.

It feels like I'll never find that writing spark again.  I let it go out - that makes me unbearably sad.

It feels like Josh has been in Idaho forever, but it's not quite a year.  (I try not to think about how much harder it will be when he moves away from home for reals.  Oy.)

It feels like I need a vacation, a lottery ticket, a good soft bed, a novel to read, a strong drink (even though I don't drink), a distraction, a good song, a moment alone...

The list goes on.

It feels like I'm missing something buried somewhere in all this noise of living.

Let me know if you stumble upon it, I could use a clue.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I write nonsense

Have you ever felt like there is something waiting there, just out of reach?  A thread that's unwinding faster than you can grab on to the end?  Like there is something just out of sight and if you turn your head at just the right time, you might finally see it?

That's writing for me these days.

Reviving ye old blog is an attempt to revive ye old writer, the one who lives somewhere deep down inside. 

The writer in me ticks like a clock.  Most of the time I don't notice the sound.  It just IS.

Tick tock.

But, every now and then, the sound gets loud.  Almost deafening, almost drowning out everything else until I have to pay attention to the time.

TICK TOCK.

It's at that point that I get out the pencils or keyboards or notebooks and begin.  I read old stuff and marvel at the problems that riddle my lines.  I jot down notes or delete stuff that never came to fruition.  I try writing.  First blips, then sentences, then paragraphs, or outlines, or pages. 

But, I'm findin…

Odds and ends

I watched from the corner of my eye as my daughter leaned forward toward the screen.  The screen was Black Panther, the newest Marvel superhero movie.  We like superhero movies, generally speaking, and have been looking forward to this particular movie.  It did not disappoint.

But, even more important than that, I watched my daughter watching the movie and felt full.  Full of love for her, full of appreciation for a movie that honors her heritage, full of admiration for how well she has accepted herself - even though others have not always.  The beautiful costumes and hair, the STRONG and intelligent females, the ease of the language and unspoken respect for each other - all of these sub-messages in a superhero movie were not lost on me.  And, as she leaned closer and closer to the screen, engrossed, I knew they were not lost on my girl, either.

---

For the first time since joining my profession, I legitimately do not feel safe.  Friday we spent the morning in active shooter training.…