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Odds and ends

I watched from the corner of my eye as my daughter leaned forward toward the screen.  The screen was Black Panther, the newest Marvel superhero movie.  We like superhero movies, generally speaking, and have been looking forward to this particular movie.  It did not disappoint.

But, even more important than that, I watched my daughter watching the movie and felt full.  Full of love for her, full of appreciation for a movie that honors her heritage, full of admiration for how well she has accepted herself - even though others have not always.  The beautiful costumes and hair, the STRONG and intelligent females, the ease of the language and unspoken respect for each other - all of these sub-messages in a superhero movie were not lost on me.  And, as she leaned closer and closer to the screen, engrossed, I knew they were not lost on my girl, either.

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For the first time since joining my profession, I legitimately do not feel safe.  Friday we spent the morning in active shooter training.  It was illuminating and helpful.  We had police officers there and we went through scenarios that included firing very loud blank bullets inside the school.  And I've come away with that feeling both appreciation for the information and angry that it's necessary.  I didn't sign up to be a shield.  I don't get hazard pay.  I have to think of a way to convey the information I learned to children because it *might* save their life.  I know the chances are slim.  Very slim.  And yet...

I can name at least one student who makes me afraid on any given day.

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Back in the days I was a part of the Michigan Concert Choir, we learned a song based on Micah 6:6.
I have always found this song particularly beautiful and it has stayed in my mind.  This morning I had it in my mind as I prepared to go to the Albuquerque LDS Temple with my daughter.  When we reached the part that said: "Shall I give Him my first born for my transgressions, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?"...I almost lost it.  I miss my son.  I miss talking to him and laughing and all the things we used to do together.  I'm so grateful for his choice to serve a mission and dedicate two years to his faith.  I'm more aware of the sacrifice our Heavenly Father made - not just of His Son, Jesus Christ, but to send us away so that we could become more and better and progress. 

But, wow, some days that lesson is really hard.

"Wherewith shall I come before the Lord, and bow myself before the high God? shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves of a year old?"






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