I am..

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So Selfish! Every now and then my selfishness comes and blasts me in the face, just to remind me how lucky I truly am. I spend a lot of time worrying about the stuff that doesn't matter. Lately Eric and I have been discussing our current situation and we have come to realize that the one circumstance we can't control is taking over ever other aspect of who we are. We can't help but obsess about it as it involves our child. Our child that is not really ours yet and may never be. But in the meantime, we are overlooking the things we do have for certain. Things like our marriage, and Joshua, and life, and happiness. Perhaps it is human nature to keep looking for that something more, that one piece of the puzzle that will bring satisfaction. If you have all the pieces but they are in the wrong places, however, you still keep searching. That's where we are, looking for the right configuration. And it is so difficult for me to pull my head out of the sand, because I am afraid. I would rather bury myself in the task of the moment than deal with the puzzle that is still waiting to be assembled.
At the end of the day, though, its these moments that make me pick up the scattered pieces again:

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