Of New Years and Old Issues

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I love talking to my mom and dad. They may not actually know this. The speed and frequency with which I return their phone calls may have them convinced that I think its some kind of chore. In fact, I love hearing my dad answer the phone with "Yeah?" in that lovely familiar voice that sends safe waves down the phone line and into my soul. And I love hearing my mom relay all the news of home, sometimes for the third or fourth time, and the way her voice quavers when she is particularly missing me. There is something satisfying about missing and being missed.

One reason I don't return the phone calls of my family, which I probably have never really adequately explained to them, is the waves of home sickness that tend to wash over me after hearing their voices. Some things I miss about home:

The smell of mom's fabric - for Christmas my mom made Carly a sweet little doll in the image of one my sister (and I think I?) had when we were little. The doll is really cute and Carly loves it. When she opened it, I could smell my mom. She had these barrels of fabric for as long as I can remember, filled to the brim with every possible print and texture. Carly's doll smell's just like these barrels of fabric. The smell of soap and linen and home was so overwhelming that almost couldn't bear it.





My dad's laugh - the one he tries to hold in, but that takes over so that his whole face lights up. The one that you only get to see when he's teasing someone, gleefully.

My sister's gentle thoughtfulness - this may not seem very physical, but in fact it is a very physical feature of my sister. She emanates peace and calm, it radiates from her.

The quiet of Ben's house - Ben's house is one of order, and while its much cleaner than mine will ever be thanks to uber Angie, when I am there it is apparent that they would do anything they could to have me feel welcome and safe. Its wonderful to feel as though I matter that much.

Bud's teasing - Bud always teases. Always. When I was younger, I was not so fond of this quality. But now, being seperated, its something I smile and laugh at. He still calls me Tee Tub when I talk to him and he taught his children to sing my song. Its the only time I get to hear it.

Lest you think I only miss the home-y things of family, some things about New Mexico I never thought I'd miss so much:

The mountains

The green chile....drool

The sopapillas.........double drool

The many amazing colors of the sky, a million shades of blue

The stars so numerous they fight for space

The scrub brush, pine trees, wild flowers, weeds, open space, rolling hills

The winding canyon road between home and Albuquerque

The dirt road

The absolute quiet of the night

The brown adobe buildings

Downtown Albuquerque

The emptiness

The glittering lights of Albuquerque in the night




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We had a nice Christmas, quiet and small...a little unusual and thrown together. But, Josh got more presents than he'll ever need; Carly was bewildered by the wrapping paper; and at the end of the day, we're thankful for all the blessings of 2006.

That being said, 2006 is a year I'm glad to close the door on. Its been a roller coaster year of moving and changing, of being stuck in the adoption rut, of withdrawing into myself, and being grateful for the many friends that are trying their best to keep me from total shut down. The list of goods far outweighs the bads at the end of the year, although its hard to think that way sometimes.

I didn't make any new year's resolutions, but I did read an article that talked about making resolutions you can actually keep. Like resolving to always open the fridge door when you get a snack out of it. That's the kind of resolution I can make and keep! I tend to avoid reflecting back at the end of the year, mostly because looking ahead is a big enough job on its own. But, I will look back for a short moment on the thing that makes the ups and downs worthwhile:





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Last but not least, the out takes of my kids in the box......and some other general Christmas pics.



Comments

Silly Teacher said…
I love New Mexico too!
7:17 AM
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