Can you tell she works with the government?
Again with the brilliance, the unconfirmed super hero that is (perhaps) my sister. Need I say it? Why do you not have a blog of your own, dear and mighty one!
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While I can neither confirm or deny my true identity, under this immense pressure I can reveal the current details regarding the multiplying laundry phenomenon reported.
First the disclaimer: while the observable fact is well documented, and there are numerous well funded research studies ongoing to determine the source, no reports have ever been published. It seems that every time a draft of the findings is created it somehow gets lost in distribution for review, the text in the report fades or changes to a color that nobody can stand to read, or the paper shrinks to a size that can no longer be read.
The condition is the result of the confluence of at least two distinctly separate events that under all other known circumstances cannot exist simultaneously.
One component is subjugates allocationing, or more commonly known as divide and conquer. In this case the offensive component employs optical replication making it appear that there is more of itself than there actually is. All the dirt in the laundry enhances this inherent ability until the dirt is removed. This trait can also manifest itself physically until the dirt is removed. You can prove this yourself in any washing machine: compare how much more room the dirty attire takes when you load it up, versus the much smaller volume occupied when the wash load is done.
The second component is yet another manifestation of the unstable dimensionality caused by laundry facilities. Both objects and time are unstable and inherently nonlinear in this region of a domicile or commercial space. Items that we believe that we are sanitizing with soap and water get stuck in an infinite loop that connects only the laundry pile and the washing machine. No matter what we do, the subject item only can exist in those two places and the item will immediately go to the laundry pile (likely because it is the lowest energy state) from the washer. This trait is also generally observable by any launderer and is most often reported as socks without mates; however, it does occur with other items of clothing that we eventually miss and often accuse other household members of using to wax the car. In the rare event all laundry is washed these items are able to remain in suspended animation until a sufficient quantity of polluted articles accumulate to seed the restoration to our space-time dimension. Moreover, we can also observe the time dilatation effects ourselves: how is it possible for just four loads of laundry to take 8 hours of real time to complete?
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While I can neither confirm or deny my true identity, under this immense pressure I can reveal the current details regarding the multiplying laundry phenomenon reported.
First the disclaimer: while the observable fact is well documented, and there are numerous well funded research studies ongoing to determine the source, no reports have ever been published. It seems that every time a draft of the findings is created it somehow gets lost in distribution for review, the text in the report fades or changes to a color that nobody can stand to read, or the paper shrinks to a size that can no longer be read.
The condition is the result of the confluence of at least two distinctly separate events that under all other known circumstances cannot exist simultaneously.
One component is subjugates allocationing, or more commonly known as divide and conquer. In this case the offensive component employs optical replication making it appear that there is more of itself than there actually is. All the dirt in the laundry enhances this inherent ability until the dirt is removed. This trait can also manifest itself physically until the dirt is removed. You can prove this yourself in any washing machine: compare how much more room the dirty attire takes when you load it up, versus the much smaller volume occupied when the wash load is done.
The second component is yet another manifestation of the unstable dimensionality caused by laundry facilities. Both objects and time are unstable and inherently nonlinear in this region of a domicile or commercial space. Items that we believe that we are sanitizing with soap and water get stuck in an infinite loop that connects only the laundry pile and the washing machine. No matter what we do, the subject item only can exist in those two places and the item will immediately go to the laundry pile (likely because it is the lowest energy state) from the washer. This trait is also generally observable by any launderer and is most often reported as socks without mates; however, it does occur with other items of clothing that we eventually miss and often accuse other household members of using to wax the car. In the rare event all laundry is washed these items are able to remain in suspended animation until a sufficient quantity of polluted articles accumulate to seed the restoration to our space-time dimension. Moreover, we can also observe the time dilatation effects ourselves: how is it possible for just four loads of laundry to take 8 hours of real time to complete?
Comments
And don't worry Heather, your dad would understand it perfectly.
Eric