Wednesday, October 15

Square Peg meets Round Hole

So Josh has a D in science, officially. On his progress report.

I think 4 hairs just spontaneously turned gray.

It has come to the point that Eric and I are seriously considering homeschool. That's right, I am on the verge of weirdifying my kid.

I, like 90% of the people I know, look at homeschoolers as weird. The media portrays homeschooling families as conservative, wildly Christian, dress-wearing, socially repressed weirdos. One of my good friends homeschooled her kids and her kids were actually pretty much normal. But, that wasn't enough to break my thinking out of the stereotype.

I have a few concerns. Obviously.

1. Josh is a loner, by nature. A content, normal, sweet, empathetic introvert. I personally don't see anything wrong with that. He's affectionate and kind, respectful (most of the time!) and completely family centered. But, he doesn't play with other kids at recess. He doesn't have any close friends. He enjoys the company of other kids but he doesn't seek them out. His teacher observed that Josh is not a normal 5th grade boy. She said that most fifth grade boys are just silly and Josh (verbally) is more adult-like, less frivolous. Don't get me wrong, he is still a total goofball, but Josh has always been well spoken for his age. Perhaps a good description: Josh's head is in the clouds, not bouncing on bubbles. IF we decided to homeschool, any connections Josh might have made in the school setting will be cut off. Sure, sure, there is still church and sports etc etc. But, he will be tagged with the 'homeschooler' stigma when he attends those activities.

2. What if I'm not smart enough? It's not that I don't think I am smart, but am I smart enough to teach him? To guide him? Some of the math he brings home from school now makes me want to run and hide. (Math was never my strong point). What if my gaps in knowledge lead to his gaps in knowledge?

3. What if I'm not disciplined enough? I love me a good nap. And sleeping in. I like to blog while my kids watch cartoons. I like to lay around the house and think about what I should be doing. I like being lazy. And arguing with Josh to get him to do something productive is exhausting.

4. What if it doesn't help? This is perhaps most frightening of all. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T HELP???

I am so afraid for Joshua right now. He is a smart, witty, funny, loving child. He is not ADD. But his ADD is setting him up for repeated failure. I am concerned that the repeated failure to fit the pattern required for public school success is going to trample my little man's spirit to the dust. How can he possibly gain confidence and self esteem when he is repeatedly told that he is a failure? That his best wasn't good enough? That even when he thinks he has done well, he hasn't?

I just don't know what to do.


Heather said...

This is such a scary issue. Are there any resources in your area? I know here the local school district has a program for homeschoolers. So all the homeschooled kids get together and go to school part time {weird huh}.

*MARY* said...

I'm sorry, this is one of the reasons why I'm terrified of my kids growing up.