Skip to main content

Square Peg meets Round Hole

So Josh has a D in science, officially. On his progress report.

I think 4 hairs just spontaneously turned gray.

It has come to the point that Eric and I are seriously considering homeschool. That's right, I am on the verge of weirdifying my kid.

I, like 90% of the people I know, look at homeschoolers as weird. The media portrays homeschooling families as conservative, wildly Christian, dress-wearing, socially repressed weirdos. One of my good friends homeschooled her kids and her kids were actually pretty much normal. But, that wasn't enough to break my thinking out of the stereotype.

I have a few concerns. Obviously.

1. Josh is a loner, by nature. A content, normal, sweet, empathetic introvert. I personally don't see anything wrong with that. He's affectionate and kind, respectful (most of the time!) and completely family centered. But, he doesn't play with other kids at recess. He doesn't have any close friends. He enjoys the company of other kids but he doesn't seek them out. His teacher observed that Josh is not a normal 5th grade boy. She said that most fifth grade boys are just silly and Josh (verbally) is more adult-like, less frivolous. Don't get me wrong, he is still a total goofball, but Josh has always been well spoken for his age. Perhaps a good description: Josh's head is in the clouds, not bouncing on bubbles. IF we decided to homeschool, any connections Josh might have made in the school setting will be cut off. Sure, sure, there is still church and sports etc etc. But, he will be tagged with the 'homeschooler' stigma when he attends those activities.

2. What if I'm not smart enough? It's not that I don't think I am smart, but am I smart enough to teach him? To guide him? Some of the math he brings home from school now makes me want to run and hide. (Math was never my strong point). What if my gaps in knowledge lead to his gaps in knowledge?

3. What if I'm not disciplined enough? I love me a good nap. And sleeping in. I like to blog while my kids watch cartoons. I like to lay around the house and think about what I should be doing. I like being lazy. And arguing with Josh to get him to do something productive is exhausting.

4. What if it doesn't help? This is perhaps most frightening of all. WHAT IF IT DOESN'T HELP???

I am so afraid for Joshua right now. He is a smart, witty, funny, loving child. He is not ADD. But his ADD is setting him up for repeated failure. I am concerned that the repeated failure to fit the pattern required for public school success is going to trample my little man's spirit to the dust. How can he possibly gain confidence and self esteem when he is repeatedly told that he is a failure? That his best wasn't good enough? That even when he thinks he has done well, he hasn't?

I just don't know what to do.

Comments

Heather said…
This is such a scary issue. Are there any resources in your area? I know here the local school district has a program for homeschoolers. So all the homeschooled kids get together and go to school part time {weird huh}.
*MARY* said…
I'm sorry, this is one of the reasons why I'm terrified of my kids growing up.

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life.

People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a sturdy …

On being away from home and turning sixteen: a letter to my son

Dear Josh,

I missed your sixteenth birthday.  I'm sure you recall - or maybe it wasn't so bad because you spent the whole day with your friend watching movies.  Godzilla and Guardians of the Galaxy, you've said.  It's no surprise to me that Godzilla was your favorite of the two.  That atomic green monster holds a special place in your heart.

It was very difficult for me to be away from you when you crossed this threshold in your life.  I remember turning sixteen, being sixteen, and wondering when I would feel like I was actually sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I went and found my first job, I started driving myself around, and I pretty much felt like I was in the wrong skin.  I'm only now, at 37, beginning to feel in the right skin.  Or at least comfortable with the skin I'm in.  But you - well, you don't seem to have a problem being you.  I can't explain how very happy that makes me feel, how very reassured.  Because it can be really hard not to like you…

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

You know when you see someone again and it's been, like, forever, and you're not really even sure that you're getting their name right and you wonder WHAT on EARTH they've done to their hair/face/body/children and you can't quite find the right words to fill the gap between time and space?
My second year of teaching is just beginning - and isn't that a wonder?  Last year...let's just say, we all survived.  Last year involved:
- Commuting home (2 hours, one way) almost every weekend - The kids and I here (in Espanola, where I teach) while Eric stayed in Edgewood - Putting our (still for sale) house on the market - Two semesters of Master's classes (what was I thinking??? on the up side, I only have 1 semester left and I am DONE.  D. O. N. E.) - Saturday's spent in professional development - My first ever "work trip" to San Diego 
And this year:
- Josh is a Senior (whuuuut!) - Carly started 5th grade - We all live here in Espanola (double WH…