Post 225

I'm pretty sure I didn't really have 224 other things to say. Looking back, I whined a lot. I talked pointlessly fairly often. I posted lots of pictures of my kids.

I'm not really sure why I do this blogging thing.

In the beginning it was just an easy way to keep lines of communication open with my family. They can see photos of my kids without waiting for me to (never) send them pictures via mail. They can read about how things are going without waiting for TeleTom to broadcast the news.

Along the way it somehow changed into an outlet. I think it was around the time that Eric's mother died. I could talk about my frustrations and joys, my grief and loneliness. I'm an extremely shy person away from the keyboard, I feel awkward and tongue tied in social situations not to mention I almost hyper-ventilate just thinking about making eye contact with strangers. I'm insecure and critical of myself. With blogging I get to filter some of those things out and present the face I wish I had. But at the same time I get to talk about those things without another warm body nearby. It is more like talking to myself than talking to the world.

I've become more aware lately of just how public this blogging thing is. I've considered going private - it's not like I have a huge reader base anyhow, I don't even have a small reader base (more like really, really teeny tiny). I'm amused that someone came to my blog trying to find out what the plural of shoe was. I also get hits from people looking for another (really fun) blog. My bounce rate is really high, whatever that means. I don't think it relates to my jell-o six pack but it might.

I have worried, of late, about my recent post concerning gay marriage. I don't want people to think poorly of me but at the same time I want to be authentic. I know that I have friends who are pro-gay marriage (or at least feel like it shouldn't be a voter issue) and I hope that my friends don't think that my difference of opinion means I'm a different person. I'm still sweet, shy, hot tempered, stubborn, opinionated, argumentative, too-much-talking, naive Sarah.

I am learning to accept that some blogs are just cooler than mine. Mary is kicking my butt over at the 'Don't you hate it when' contest and I'm okay with that because she is crazy funny. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I wish I had more than 3 votes (2 from me and mine and one from Mary who I am considering stalking), that I wish I had more followers, that I wish I had more comments, that I wish my blog was popular enough to support my lavish lifestyle.

I really don't know why I do this blogging thing, but I do it, and I'm grateful for it. It makes me feel more human.