Skip to main content

My Unsolicited Advice

Okay so I'll admit it. I totally watched the second half of John and Kate Plus 8. I was curious, what can I say? I am not actually a fan of that show for a few reasons:

1. I realize it is hard to provide for 8 children. And a reality show brings opportunities you probably can't afford otherwise. Here's a thought, though, if you can't afford 8 kids don't get fertility treatments! Especially when you have twins already and are obviously pre-disposed to having multiples.

2. I think that it is wrong to glorify John and Kate but vilify Octo-Mom. I don't think that is a fair playing field. It bugs me.

3. Those children will never have a 'normal' life. Ever.

So having said that, I watched the season premiere expecting them to make nice and act like nothing is wrong at home. After all, they just did a big renewal of vows thing not that long ago. But, they didn't. Things were clearly wrong at home. Both were clearly unhappy. And, just like a columnist noted (I don't remember who you were, apologies) I felt like I shouldn't be watching sometimes. I kept wishing they would say "none of your business" or "we choose our marriage" or "we can make this right, we have refocused" BUT instead they both kept saying "I'm here for the kids."

No marriage will survive if you are there for the kids.

You have to be there for EACH OTHER. You have to be supportive even when you're not sure you've got your feet on the right road. You can't put the kids first because that means you are always last. There isn't time to fix a marriage after its been beaten and broken, you have to shore it up before the damage is done or you'll never withstand the storms. And there will be storms.

So, John and Kate, here is my advice you'll never read. Stop doing a reality show! STOP. So you might not know where your next check comes from. That's true reality, reality that many homes are facing right now. Choose each other over money. Put your marriage on the front burner of the stove. The best security you can offer your children has nothing to do with money and everything to do with a happy marriage full of love.


Heather said…
I'm so there with you! I actually like the show. But Hello!! it was so weird watching last night because it seemed pretty obvious neither of them want to work it out. It totally makes me sad.

They were able to afford 8 kids before the show, but I think the life that they have become accustomed to and the spotlight (which Kate denies liking but I think secretly LOVES) has driven a big wedge into a highly stressful situation.

Anyway I could go on and on but I won't... but so glad you gave them some advice. It's good advice for all of us working at the "marriage game".
Lacey said…
llegue said…

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life.

People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a sturdy …

Fragmented re-introduction

I dreamed a dream once of what this would be like.  Of life.  Of patterns and songs and ticking off boxes to find my way. 

Trouble was, I keep looking at the wrong list.

This year's list:

- Turn 40 (check)
- Move again (check)
- Send the boy on a mission (check)
- Finish admin license
- Get lost (check)
- Get found (check)
- Lost again (check)

Wait, that went off track. 

Adulthood is a lot of getting off track.  And back on.  It's weird.

I thought at 40, I would have it all together.

But, I'm barely keeping it from falling apart. 


So, this is me where I am now.

40, working, waiting.  My boy's on a mission in Boise.  My girl's 12 going on 20.  My husband hates his job most days, and loves it alternatively.  Same for me.  We live in a small town I don't like very much and dream of going somewhere else, but we don't know where that is. 

I want to be a writer, but I don't spend time writing.

I read something the other day that gave me hope: Guy Fieri…

On being away from home and turning sixteen: a letter to my son

Dear Josh,

I missed your sixteenth birthday.  I'm sure you recall - or maybe it wasn't so bad because you spent the whole day with your friend watching movies.  Godzilla and Guardians of the Galaxy, you've said.  It's no surprise to me that Godzilla was your favorite of the two.  That atomic green monster holds a special place in your heart.

It was very difficult for me to be away from you when you crossed this threshold in your life.  I remember turning sixteen, being sixteen, and wondering when I would feel like I was actually sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I went and found my first job, I started driving myself around, and I pretty much felt like I was in the wrong skin.  I'm only now, at 37, beginning to feel in the right skin.  Or at least comfortable with the skin I'm in.  But you - well, you don't seem to have a problem being you.  I can't explain how very happy that makes me feel, how very reassured.  Because it can be really hard not to like you…