My Unsolicited Advice
Okay so I'll admit it. I totally watched the second half of John and Kate Plus 8. I was curious, what can I say? I am not actually a fan of that show for a few reasons:
1. I realize it is hard to provide for 8 children. And a reality show brings opportunities you probably can't afford otherwise. Here's a thought, though, if you can't afford 8 kids don't get fertility treatments! Especially when you have twins already and are obviously pre-disposed to having multiples.
2. I think that it is wrong to glorify John and Kate but vilify Octo-Mom. I don't think that is a fair playing field. It bugs me.
3. Those children will never have a 'normal' life. Ever.
So having said that, I watched the season premiere expecting them to make nice and act like nothing is wrong at home. After all, they just did a big renewal of vows thing not that long ago. But, they didn't. Things were clearly wrong at home. Both were clearly unhappy. And, just like a columnist noted (I don't remember who you were, apologies) I felt like I shouldn't be watching sometimes. I kept wishing they would say "none of your business" or "we choose our marriage" or "we can make this right, we have refocused" BUT instead they both kept saying "I'm here for the kids."
No marriage will survive if you are there for the kids.
You have to be there for EACH OTHER. You have to be supportive even when you're not sure you've got your feet on the right road. You can't put the kids first because that means you are always last. There isn't time to fix a marriage after its been beaten and broken, you have to shore it up before the damage is done or you'll never withstand the storms. And there will be storms.
So, John and Kate, here is my advice you'll never read. Stop doing a reality show! STOP. So you might not know where your next check comes from. That's true reality, reality that many homes are facing right now. Choose each other over money. Put your marriage on the front burner of the stove. The best security you can offer your children has nothing to do with money and everything to do with a happy marriage full of love.
1. I realize it is hard to provide for 8 children. And a reality show brings opportunities you probably can't afford otherwise. Here's a thought, though, if you can't afford 8 kids don't get fertility treatments! Especially when you have twins already and are obviously pre-disposed to having multiples.
2. I think that it is wrong to glorify John and Kate but vilify Octo-Mom. I don't think that is a fair playing field. It bugs me.
3. Those children will never have a 'normal' life. Ever.
So having said that, I watched the season premiere expecting them to make nice and act like nothing is wrong at home. After all, they just did a big renewal of vows thing not that long ago. But, they didn't. Things were clearly wrong at home. Both were clearly unhappy. And, just like a columnist noted (I don't remember who you were, apologies) I felt like I shouldn't be watching sometimes. I kept wishing they would say "none of your business" or "we choose our marriage" or "we can make this right, we have refocused" BUT instead they both kept saying "I'm here for the kids."
No marriage will survive if you are there for the kids.
You have to be there for EACH OTHER. You have to be supportive even when you're not sure you've got your feet on the right road. You can't put the kids first because that means you are always last. There isn't time to fix a marriage after its been beaten and broken, you have to shore it up before the damage is done or you'll never withstand the storms. And there will be storms.
So, John and Kate, here is my advice you'll never read. Stop doing a reality show! STOP. So you might not know where your next check comes from. That's true reality, reality that many homes are facing right now. Choose each other over money. Put your marriage on the front burner of the stove. The best security you can offer your children has nothing to do with money and everything to do with a happy marriage full of love.
Comments
They were able to afford 8 kids before the show, but I think the life that they have become accustomed to and the spotlight (which Kate denies liking but I think secretly LOVES) has driven a big wedge into a highly stressful situation.
Anyway I could go on and on but I won't... but so glad you gave them some advice. It's good advice for all of us working at the "marriage game".