Skip to main content

No Longer Alice

I've been blown about in the wind lately with so many choices on the table.  Do I get a job (that choice hasn't really been my own, no one will hire me!)?  Do I stay home and write?  Do I try my hand at Etsy?  Do I continue to freelance and hope for more assignments?  Do I send out a self directed, weekly article to publishers hoping to get picked up by a paper?  Do I go back to school?  Do I pursue opening a restaurant? There seem to be so many options, none immediate, all requiring varying degrees of personal risk.  Stretching myself to meet new obstacles is not exactly my strong point.  


Today I took a little more control.  For a while now I've been living with the fear: What if something happens to Eric?  I have no way to make a living.  I have no bankable skills that translate into immediate income.  We do have life insurance, enough to make us comfortable while I got things under control, but long term I am - quite simply - not prepared.  So a couple of months ago I applied for federal financial aid and received a favorable reply (say that 5 times fast), much better than I'd hoped for actually.  And today I filled out the application to return to UNM, where I started my college career going on 15 years ago.  I'm excited and afraid all at once. 

 

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - From Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Comments

Pam said…
You are going to do great! I am jealous that you are at a point in your life that you are able to go back. I guess I could but not as easily. On another note. Kady is obsessed with the pink cowgirl boots you gave us. She wears them practically everywhere.
Heather said…
good for you! seems like the perfect timing.
taturner said…
Your writing is impressive. Have you written professionally before? From what you said, it sounds like you've had some experience in that area. Like I said, I think your writing is impressive - I enjoy reading your posts - they are clever and entertaining while heartfelt at the same time.

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life.

People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forward.  Knowledge, safety, money, a sturdy …

On being away from home and turning sixteen: a letter to my son

Dear Josh,

I missed your sixteenth birthday.  I'm sure you recall - or maybe it wasn't so bad because you spent the whole day with your friend watching movies.  Godzilla and Guardians of the Galaxy, you've said.  It's no surprise to me that Godzilla was your favorite of the two.  That atomic green monster holds a special place in your heart.

It was very difficult for me to be away from you when you crossed this threshold in your life.  I remember turning sixteen, being sixteen, and wondering when I would feel like I was actually sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I went and found my first job, I started driving myself around, and I pretty much felt like I was in the wrong skin.  I'm only now, at 37, beginning to feel in the right skin.  Or at least comfortable with the skin I'm in.  But you - well, you don't seem to have a problem being you.  I can't explain how very happy that makes me feel, how very reassured.  Because it can be really hard not to like you…

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

You know when you see someone again and it's been, like, forever, and you're not really even sure that you're getting their name right and you wonder WHAT on EARTH they've done to their hair/face/body/children and you can't quite find the right words to fill the gap between time and space?
My second year of teaching is just beginning - and isn't that a wonder?  Last year...let's just say, we all survived.  Last year involved:
- Commuting home (2 hours, one way) almost every weekend - The kids and I here (in Espanola, where I teach) while Eric stayed in Edgewood - Putting our (still for sale) house on the market - Two semesters of Master's classes (what was I thinking??? on the up side, I only have 1 semester left and I am DONE.  D. O. N. E.) - Saturday's spent in professional development - My first ever "work trip" to San Diego 
And this year:
- Josh is a Senior (whuuuut!) - Carly started 5th grade - We all live here in Espanola (double WH…