I've been blown about in the wind lately with so many choices on the table. Do I get a job (that choice hasn't really been my own, no one will hire me!)? Do I stay home and write? Do I try my hand at Etsy? Do I continue to freelance and hope for more assignments? Do I send out a self directed, weekly article to publishers hoping to get picked up by a paper? Do I go back to school? Do I pursue opening a restaurant? There seem to be so many options, none immediate, all requiring varying degrees of personal risk. Stretching myself to meet new obstacles is not exactly my strong point.
Today I took a little more control. For a while now I've been living with the fear: What if something happens to Eric? I have no way to make a living. I have no bankable skills that translate into immediate income. We do have life insurance, enough to make us comfortable while I got things under control, but long term I am - quite simply - not prepared. So a couple of months ago I applied for federal financial aid and received a favorable reply (say that 5 times fast), much better than I'd hoped for actually. And today I filled out the application to return to UNM, where I started my college career going on 15 years ago. I'm excited and afraid all at once.
“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - From Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll