No Longer Alice

-

I've been blown about in the wind lately with so many choices on the table.  Do I get a job (that choice hasn't really been my own, no one will hire me!)?  Do I stay home and write?  Do I try my hand at Etsy?  Do I continue to freelance and hope for more assignments?  Do I send out a self directed, weekly article to publishers hoping to get picked up by a paper?  Do I go back to school?  Do I pursue opening a restaurant? There seem to be so many options, none immediate, all requiring varying degrees of personal risk.  Stretching myself to meet new obstacles is not exactly my strong point.  


Today I took a little more control.  For a while now I've been living with the fear: What if something happens to Eric?  I have no way to make a living.  I have no bankable skills that translate into immediate income.  We do have life insurance, enough to make us comfortable while I got things under control, but long term I am - quite simply - not prepared.  So a couple of months ago I applied for federal financial aid and received a favorable reply (say that 5 times fast), much better than I'd hoped for actually.  And today I filled out the application to return to UNM, where I started my college career going on 15 years ago.  I'm excited and afraid all at once. 

 

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.” - From Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

Comments

Pam said…
You are going to do great! I am jealous that you are at a point in your life that you are able to go back. I guess I could but not as easily. On another note. Kady is obsessed with the pink cowgirl boots you gave us. She wears them practically everywhere.
8:15 PM
Heather said…
good for you! seems like the perfect timing.
9:39 AM
Tricia said…
Your writing is impressive. Have you written professionally before? From what you said, it sounds like you've had some experience in that area. Like I said, I think your writing is impressive - I enjoy reading your posts - they are clever and entertaining while heartfelt at the same time.
4:07 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Carly,

-
Image
I assume that one day you will come to me wanting to know who you are, where you came from, where your other family is and why they gave you to us.  I offer you little bits of information already, but certainly not crumbs enough to satisfy the appetite.  Perhaps it won't matter to you.  I am assuming a lot, already, about how adoption will impact your life. People often wonder why adoptive parents are hurt when their children seek out biological roots.  I have the answer, and it's very simple.  Adoption - at its core - makes us question the legality, authority, voracity, and validity of parenthood.  For most adoptive parents, first you must come to terms with an issue that strikes at the foundations of mortality: fertility.  From birth, most of us are driven to form families.  First we are nestlings, nurtured and weened and eventually taught to fly.  Then we are nest-builders, filling our lives with the stuff necessary to drive life forwar...
Read more

M is for Mother

-
Motherhood is more than carrying a child in your womb for 9 months. Motherhood is more than daily wiping of noses, cleaning of faces, filling of bellies. Motherhood is more than driving, shopping, cleaning, cooking. Motherhood is part of being a Woman, but not all of it. It is part of growing up, for some of us. It is conducive to gaining appreciation, but not for everyone. I was still a child myself, really, when I became a Mother. Joshua and I did a lot of growing up together. We both learned a lot about sacrifice. I learned how to say good-bye to him in the morning, he learned that separation from Mother wasn't such a bad thing after all. Especially since he got to go to Grandma's house (which, sorry Disney, was the happiest place on earth). I learned I could love someone until my heart might burst and be completely enraged at the same time. He learned that the wrinkling of my forehead was not a good sign for anyone. We learned a lot about time, more specifically abo...
Read more

thirty two

-
Image
Today is the big day, the day when I roll over from 31 ( just barely old) to 32 (aka old and can't deny it) . The funny thing is, I don't feel 32. I feel just like I did at 22, just maybe a little less scared. There are a few gray hairs tucked in the brown, there are a few wrinkles under the chubbiness of my 'baby face'. I can't say that I'm feeling the aches and pains of a body weighed down by years. I don't. Except perhaps my ankles which are stiff in the mornings from my bad habit of tripping on my own feet . The march of years is fairly kind to us, I think. We feel the same though our bodies keep climbing that mortal hill. Today I'm going to celebrate being alive . I'm going to eat good food, share good company, laugh while I tickle my kids. I'm going to take a long nap (hopefully) and just be glad for one more day, one more week, one more month, one more year. Oh, and I'm going to sport this super cute and sassy hair cut curteousy of ...
Read more