State of Obvious

At times I am reminded that I move too fast.  Always errands to run, games to play, books to read, food to make, house to clean, gas tanks and groceries and a thousand other things. But then, pausing to take a breath, I hear my kids. Three times today Joshua said, "Mom look at that cloud, it's got a rainbow in it." And I thought (and said), "Yes, Josh.  It's a cloud." Until I finally looked up.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.  It was the side I always wake up on, actually, but today when my feet hit the floor my mood hit the basement.  And we don't even have a basement.  Perhaps it was my toe.  It's really sore.  I'd regale you with the story of why it's really sore, but you probably don't care and toes fall into that realm of the interweb most of us should really keep private.  For the good of others. Maybe it was because I hate waking up early.  And yes, for me early is anything before 10 am.  I'm an adult and I am entitled to hating the morning.  I will never be a morning person, no matter how I try.  And yes, I have had jobs and school and other reasons to wake up before the sun rises.  I prefer to wake up after the sun is already well on it's way to mid-sky-position.  Early to bed, early to rise, yes I know.  But I don't have to like it.  Maybe it was just the general way-too-hottedn...

Unsettled.  Decidedly.  That's how I feel.  Decidedly unsettled.  No, I can't pinpoint the reason.  This, in large part, explains the feeling.  Unsettled. The summer is sweeping by with nary a spot of rain to be seen.  The world is on fire around us - north, south, west and probably east.  Plumes of smoke we can see from our own backyard, plumes which rise over South Mountain (oddly situated to the north of us, but whatever) and scatter in a much-too-orderly-to-be-just-clouds fashion.  We really need some rain. Perhaps that is the unsettled-ness.  By now we should have something other than wind.  But the wind keeps coming.  Blowing the trees til the branches snap.  Unseating shingles and slamming doors.  We've been lucky, only weeds blowing through our yard for now.  Perhaps its not the rain, or lack thereof, but the wind, then.  Tossing us about like toys.  Pushing against everything with rel...

Carly sees life on another level.  No, literally.  She's short.  In accordance with her unique point of view I came up with the brilliant idea to equip her with a camera.  We jumped in the car and drove to some local ruins.  And then Carly didn't want to take pictures.  Awesome!  She did take a few, though, so here is our trip through her eyes.  In retrospect I should have realized she's too busy making moments to stop and catch them.

I see myself in you. In the down-turned eyes and fluttering hands. In the spoken words that fall like hail. In the uneasy laugh. I see the subtle ways you break yourself. I hear the words with weighted meanings, too heavy to hold your tongue. I feel the pinpricks of conscious catastrophes, doing damage to your fragile soul. I understand the uneven ground beneath your feet, the steady upward climb that never ends. I am that too. I've never really considered how it looks, outside, to someone else. I've always thought I hide it well.  I'll have to reconsider.

I think I like to write because it lets me be someone else.  I can be magical, beautiful, funny, witty, mean, loud, strange - anything I want and the worst that can happen is my character is flat or unlikeable.  Much easier than real life. In real life there is this pressure.  PRESSURE .  Will you like me?  Will you think I'm vain, rude, pushy, screechy, annoying?  Will you think I'm wonderful, funny, insightful, kind?  I know which list I prefer. Within the crafted word is an infinite number of possibilities.  Just the other day I thought of a really funny parody I'd like to write based on a very famous book and movie.  It doesn't have vampires in it, either.  I talked it over with Eric, sketched out an outline, laughed at my own pithy ways, and left the little seedling to germinate in my file.  That same file also contains the seed of a story I've been working on and working over for almost six years now.  Six years!...

I've started the summer semester.  I was going to take two classes, but decided one was more than plenty.  I'm really glad I changed my mind. We bought a Dodge Durango.  Used.  Lots of room.  Gas hog.  Aren't you excited? Joshua is away at Scout Camp this week.  I want him to have these kinds of opportunities, but I'm scared every minute he's away.  Sigh.  Not really sure how I'm going to handle the whole growing-up-moving-out thing. Carly graduated from Kindergarten.  Pictures have been posted on facebook, making it very official, but here she is again for the non-facebook crowd (with her teacher). Arizona is on fire.  I don't live in Arizona, however we have had smoke rolling in every evening.  Smoke you can see and smell.  It's kind of scary, I'll admit, and I really hope you Arizonians are safe. I recently found a list of goals for last year which included a completed manuscript by July 31, 2011 - yeah... ...