State of Obvious

I wonder if they offer a class about self doubt.  I most certainly have become an expert in the field, I could probably teach it.  Assorted topics of study: How to Second Guess With Your Eyes Closed Graduation: Changing Your Major to Keep it from Happening All the A's in the World Don't Make Up for a Solid Lack of Confidence And so on. Why is it that two semesters in to my glorious return, I'm still terrified?  Why is it that I drop and redrop and reschedule until my course list is almost unrecognizable?  Why do I long to do nothing more than dig a hole and hide in it? I mean, I wanted this.  Right? So much of life is dealing with your decisions and learning to accept that even the right ones sometimes feel scary. On the up side of things, check out Miss Sass A Frass in an outfit of her own choosing on a hot summer afternoon.  

So, school started back up.  For me and the kids.  Josh started 8th grade, if you're curious (but probably you aren't, too bad, stop reading or something.  No wait, I lied!  Don't go!  Fudge.) he is not being home schooled this year.  Instead he is off to his first year of middle school.  So far - well, the first few days went alright.  Tonight was his first night of homework.  Yeah, that was about as fun as you might imagine. Carly started first grade.  She says she loves it (I have my doubts, but she insists).  She has homework too, that makes me want to poke people. I started school on Monday also.  So we're pretty much the most tired, cranky, unhappy lot on the block. To make up for the Debbie Downerness of this post, I present the first bit of some scribbles I've been working on.  I'd love some feedback, especially of the constructive honest yet kind type. p.s. this is my original work and therefore protected ...

A friend of mine, also an adoptive mother, recently blogged about the sad state of her garden this year.  She's got her hands full with her own baby girl while she mothers some foster children too.  I'm full of admiration and empathy, having thought of the foster route myself.  Anyhow, I was thinking of her tonight as I inspected the sad little harvest from my own garden and this popped into my head.  This is specially for you, Harmony.  I hope you like it. Harmony's Harvest My hands are full of a different harvest. Once, my garden was full of blossoms in the rich soil Bursting forth with leaves and buds Vines that wound their twisted hands on wooden gates Fruit and pod abounding. Now the beds lie still Solemn rows beneath the azure sky And sleeping soil. Here and there a restless bud, adventurous leaf, a ripened fruit Not dead, only waiting for the new harvest To complete. New beds, now made indoors, are filled with other seeds Row on row of...

I've told Carly's story many times, how she got here, why she got here, how long, how much, what, why and when.  It's significant because it's not the usual way, not the normal thing.  It's a wholly different experience from the first time I became a mom.  Special in its own way. But the first time around has a story, too. Josh is the answer to a prayer we didn't know to say, that's the best way to describe it. Eric and I got married after a year and a half of talking to each other online and on the phone.  We only spent physical time together 4 times, about a week each time.  And then we were married.  We moved across the country for our honeymoon, leaving my family behind and jumping both feet into being together.  All the time. You might say there was a vicious learning curve. At first, we were honeymooners.  We fought like puppies in a box without enough room, but we loved each other too.  I was the first one of us to bring up h...

Carly turned six.  S I X.  That's a lot.  She weighed less than six pounds when she was born.  And yet, here she is.  Six. Six things about Carly: 1.  Her favorite food is apple pie (today). 2.  Her favorite toy is "I think dinosaurs...because sometimes I have dinosaurs to play with and dogs.  I like dogs too.  They're my favorite too because I just don't know why.  Because I've seen dinosaurs before." 3.  The best thing about being six?  "I'm older than people...and I get to tell them what to do, and they don't."  (Type A much?) 4.  She has a variety of nicknames at six years old.  Car Bar.  Sass-a-frass.  Car Car.  Carburetor.  Carly Barly.  Mini might.  Midgy Might.  Carbrat.  Carly Cat. 5.  She wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  And a hair doer (like Shell, her godmother). 6.  She loves to wear her hair in a pony tail and nothing wou...