State of Obvious

I took a stroll down memory lane tonight, sampling the bitter and sweet that is all tied up in pictures.  Along the way I stumbled across what might be one of the last pictures of Carly with her Grandma Annie.  It made me sad and happy all at once, like eating the last chocolate in a box. I also found some silly moments I had forgotten and wondered how I let that happen.  I always think I will remember each golden moment forever, but it slips away.  And I scolded myself for being such a poor steward of time. I have watched my children grow into these little (and not so little anymore) people, but I have been so close to the phenomenon that I almost didn't see it happen.  Like magic, suddenly they are new creatures, wholly formed and beautiful in a new way. I sometimes wonder what my story is, when it will happen.  That dramatic, defining moment that you either get through, or fall through, or check out of.  Maybe it's already happened....

This Mom thing is hard.  Coming up on 14 years of doing it, it hasn't really gotten any easier.  I'm still totally lost. I'm not really sure why I get mad so dang easily.  Or why it irritates me that you have the same habits I had when I was 13.  It probably seems like a very long time ago that I was 13, a lifetime, and it was. My heart feels very tender lately, it seems to have this surging sort of quality.  It worries all day long about what you're doing, how you're thinking, what decisions you're making.  It troubles over the tools I've given you - or the lack accordingly.  I am constantly afraid that I am not enough to keep you safe.  I'm much too lazy and easy-road-taking.  I can only hope to make up for that by loving you beyond the boundaries of common sense. When you were small, you used to come and tuck into my body, tight against my chest, and I could smell your hair.  It was feather soft and silky fine, golden nut brow...

The kind of person I want to be: I want to be a person that sees the positive in everyone I meet. I want to be a person that climbs the mountain and comes back down stronger. I want to be the person that lives life unafraid. I want to be the person that reaches for my dreams. I want to be the person that values honesty over ease. I want to be the person that learns from past mistakes. I want to be the person that has a nest egg. I want to be the person with the permanently clean house. I want to be the person with unshakeable standards. I want to be the person that lives what she believes. I want to be the person of faith. I want to be the good mom. I want a lot, but really not so much.  I want to be happy.

So. I didn't get any writing done today.  But don't be mad.  I used my time wisely to create this super awesome, totally free printable.  Because I am all about you, my readers.  And my ads (clicky, clicky!).  You can't have one without the other. So anyhow, I really hope you like my super free awesome printable because I spent ALL DAY creating it.  It's filled with all the love in my heart. And tomorrow I'll get right on that book thing. (Here's a sample of the printable!  Isn't it ah MAY zing!?)   For your very own Yoda printable, go here!

I'm not sure if you've heard, but there are other blogs out there to read. I know, shocker. And here we've been operating under the assumption that I am the only blog on the planet worth reading and I have 8000 views to prove it. It's possible about 7500 of those are my own clicks but SERIOUSLY, 500 is a lot.  I've been reading some of these blogs to size up the competition and I'm beginning to realize just how amazing I really am.  Like, seriously, so amazing.  So anyways, because I am so awesome I am going to write a book in the next 30 days. A whole book. While I blog and take care of my kids. I am also going to teach my dog to roll over while I train for a marathon, build an addition and redo my daughter's room. Again. It's not princess-y enough and there are some great antiques at my local thrift shop, circa 1980. This is seriously stuff here, people. It's going to be so hard to do. THIRTY days. That is one more than 29, my eter...