Resolving

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I, along with much of the world, have been thinking about my goals for the coming year.  I made a list and it was pretty broad, but also pretty do-able.  On purpose.  The one thing that bothers me when these resolutions roll around is just how full of failure they are, often by implication or by comparison to the list from last year.  We (general society we) often laugh because we only made it a few hours, days, weeks, months into our resolutions.  And then we fall back into old habits.  We (that general we again) forget just how hard it is to change ourselves.  Have you ever tried to reshape a rock?  That's us, right there, rocks.  Round and hard and set in stone.  But, changeable over time.

This year I made my list AFTER I thought about my successes from last year.  I did not bother recounting my failures, though there were assuredly many.  Instead, I looked back (as objectively as I could) and decided it really wasn't so bad after all.  I graduated from college (a long time, hard fought goal); I yelled a little less and gained a new appreciation for what soft words can do; I am 15 pounds lighter than I was in January 2013 (a small success, but I choose to see it as one rather than bothering to calculate how much I didn't lose); I've written more and submitted more for publication; I've visited some places I've never seen.  All in all, not a bad year.  Sure there are things that did not get accomplished, but I barely remember them.  As my dad likes to say, "Are you better off than you were five years ago?"  Yes, in most ways I am.  In enough ways.

Enough.  That's a funny word.  One I've written about before.  That's probably what my resolutions for this year center on - being enough.  I've resolved (again) to yell less and speak more softly.  I've resolved (again) to shrink my debt and my waist.  I've resolved (again) to do well in school and try my best.  I've resolved (again) to take more risks/chances/opportunities.  That's a hard one for me.  But, I've also resolved to look for ways to fall in love with my husband over again.  To give myself a break when I can't get everything done.  To say nicer things about the mother of my children.  To give others the benefit of the doubt more often than not.  To accept compliments more gracefully.  These are all resolutions I can keep if I want to.  I might not do them perfectly or even every day, but at the end of the year I hope I can look back and see success again.  I hope I can see that I've done enough to move forward, even a little bit.

Happy reNew Year!

image here

Comments

Karisa said…
I always feel like your my cheerleader, or that you give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm trying to yell less too. I have issues.
3:58 AM
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