State of Obvious

Have you ever had a dream where you are in a van (maybe a mini-van of some sort, packed full of kids no more than 5 feet high) , careening at top speed (who knew a mini-van could go that fast!) , down a twisting turning canyon?  And at the bottom of that canyon is dooooom .  Did you read that to yourself with an echo in your head?  No?  Go back and do it, I'll wait.  Dooooooom. That's how my house feels these past few days.  A mini-van of DOooOOooM flying down the turns into a bottomless canyon. Because apparently my children have caught the dreaded winter disease .  No, it's not the flu.  Or pneumonia.  Or croup.  It's not even polio or anything else like that.  It's the much more hazardous (to their health and my sanity) Bickers .  Bicker Bicker Bicker (pause to eat/cry/sleep/whine) Bicker Bicker Bicker . It doesn't even matter that Santa is watching them.  Oh no .  Who cares?  They are 100% devo...

In the long established tradition that I started just last year , I bring you the Christmas wish list for this year: 1. Stand up mixer - yes, this is still on my list (it's actually the only present I didn't get last year) . Just think of all the things I could mix up with this sucker.  Cookies!  Bread!  Pie!  Cakes!  Maybe a stand up mixer will magnify all that is domestic in my little house-wife heart.  Or, you know, not.  Santatometer says:  I can't afford the extra calories from all that food I might whip up anyhow. 2.  A piano - this is my "WISH BIG" gift this year.  I have actually wanted a piano for a really long time, but we can't afford one.  And, oh yeah, I don't know how to play.  I was checking into piano lessons early in '09 but suddenly our life was turned upside down and it just never came to pass.  Santatometer says: Not even Santa believes this gift will happen. 3.  A Kindle from Amazon.com...

I pause to appreciate the deep, philosophical conversations of Mother to Child: Mom (aka Me): Are you going to be a doctor when you grow up? Carly: Yes, and I'm going to be Indiana Jones. Girl Indiana Jones, but without the hat. Mom: But you look cute in hats. Carly: Ya, I almost like my pink cowgirl hat. I think I'm going to wear it for Christm -- Halloween next time. Yes, these are the moments that make me delve down into my soul and examine the meaning behind all things. Like, why does your kid wipe his nose on your clean shirt (disguised as a hug). And just how many times can she spin in that circle before she either pukes or breaks something. Deep - really, really deep.

The view out my front door, which goes on for miles and miles and MILES.  No really.  We are so grateful to be here, in this place, at this time, in a home of our own.

We're having turkey.  But, unless you live under a rock, you already know that. My mouth is watering as I think about the things I am grateful for: Turkey Stuffing Mashed potatoes Sweet potatoes (well, not so much me but I'm sure others are grateful) Green bean casserole Cranberries Bread Mmm bread Punkin pie Apple pie More punkin pie Whipped cream Cauliflower and melty gooey cheese Olives, Pickles, Ham roll ups, M & Ms, Veggies, Crackers, Cheese and other assorted niblies The only thing missing is Jannelle's famous broccoli salad thingy that I don't have the recipe for (or the inclination to make)  Maybe next year! Are you hungry? Aren't we lucky?

like this: because my chairs really needed to be cleaned.  And now they are. 

for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the anchor and guiding force in my life. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that has gently, but firmly, lead me to this place in my life.  Each step along the way has been part of His plan for my life.  And even though I have screwed up on multiple occassions, and even though I continue to falter and stumble along, He has never abandoned me. He led me to my husband, a 'chance' meeting that changed my life. He gave me two loving parents that have been the steady support in my life through every storm. He gave me two more parents, Eric's mom and dad, who accepted and loved me as their own from the very first day. He gave me brothers and sisters - some by blood, some by marriage, some by love - who have influenced and changed my perception of the world and myself. He gave me the most amazing son, one whose pure and simple goodness staggers me. He gave me the shining light that is Carly, the daughter that fixed my broken ...

That blazes triumphantly from the eyes of good people everywhere. Perhaps one of my biggest obstacles is a tendency towards the dramatic - I feel astutely the prickles of my pride, and I dwell on the terrible things that happen to and around me.  But every now and then I am sent a reminder, soft but clear, of just how great things are in my life .  How lucky I am.  How blessed I am, even when things are not going right. The other day Josh saw a story on the news about a house that burned down.  And with tears in his eyes, he turned to me and said: "Mom I never realized our house might burn down." I thought this was kind of funny.  I replied "We have smoke detectors to keep us safe.  We'd be ok." "But Mom, we would lose all our nice stuff!"  he sniffled. "The most important things are right here.  Me and you, and your dad and Carly in the other room." "I know Mom, but we have a lot of nice things!" he choked out. ...

That live between the covers of books, transforming them into palaces and hovels alike.  Creating dreams and nightmares, inspiring tears and joy, taking me away to a world not my own. 

Because I get to share this:   (I am not grateful to blogger though, because apparently it won't let me resize this darn video to fit within my blog margins.) p.s. Apologies to those of you who already saw it on Facebook. p.s.s. Oh who am I kidding, it's worth watching 1000 times.  And it's even funnier in real life. p.s.s.s.  Carly woke us up at 4 a.m. because her hair was driving her crazy.  She wanted me to get the flat iron out and fix it right now because it wasn't lying down right.  While she was sleeping.  She's a DIVA with a Double Capital D ! p.s.s.s.s. The playroom behind her is a mess.  Pretend you can't see it.

So full of amazing things like shopping, reading, thinking, crafting, connecting, laughing, crying, inspiring, sharing.  Sure, there is the bad stuff too.  But we're not talkin' 'bout that right now. 

Where I made this huge mess: And ended up with this: It's so cute we'll pretend there aren't huge 'aftermath of crafting' messes in any other rooms of the house.  I also am pretty sure I spelled deterent wrong, but the cuteness!  Look at the cuteness!

at all the silly things that happen.  It's music for the soul.

a pen makes as it drags across a paper , making words and thoughts come to life.  It is my best escape from myself.  And, yes, most of my writing is done long hand because I find it more condusive to the process.  But that's just me being weird. image here

Because during this last week of being sick, we've become intimately acquainted.

That I call Family . It includes brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, in laws, children, nephews, nieces, friends near and far. It is black, white, brown, and every other color in the spectrum. "Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul." -- Thomas Moore

(Eric's best Godfather look) Who loves me more than self, Who makes me laugh, Who makes me angry, But also insanely happy. Who makes me cry, Then wipes away the tears. Who loves our children With pure devotion. Who accepts me as I am, Changes optional. Who believes in me When I can't. Who was made for me.

Carly with her Grandma Annie, August 2005 It was no accident you came into our lives A shooting star That streaked through the sky And into our waiting arms. It was not faith that brought you It was not hoping and wanting - Although there was enough of that To spare. It was a plan made for us Just as you were. November is Adoption Awareness Month!  You can read our story here and see a recap of Carly's first year here .

It was the love of love, the love that swallows up all else, a grateful love, a love of nature, of people, of animals, a love engendering gentleness and goodness that moved me and that I saw in you.   - William Carlos Williams

It's Sunday. I want to write something sweet and lovely and uplifting. But I can't think of anything. Today when I was getting ready for church, I put on a sparkly black shirt I bought last year.  I liked the psuedo-Asian feel of it and the bell sleeves.  And I wore it once (for a Christmas concert with the MCC).  And today it doesn't fit.  Sadly, it's not way too big.  It's too small.  And that made me angry with myself.   The kids are outside fighting playing.  It's a beautiful, warm day with a vast blue sky that stretches out forever.  But I am sitting inside.  (With no plans to change that.) And Carly just came in with a very special rock from outside.  It's special, she says again before running off to set it on her dresser.  She is sure to pirouette along the way.  I am jealous of her light-hearted-ness. "Why are you guys inside!?" I ask, a little too loud, because both the kids have migrat...

I'm 32 years old and I still believe in you.  Each year I struggle with the idea of selling Santa to my kids, I wonder if they'll be angry when they find out I've imagined your existence.  And each year I'm reminded, in subtle ways, why I do it. Sure, there's the bonus of tricking my kids into good behavior - after all Santa is always watching.  But that's not it, not really. Right now there are a lot of 'ughs' and 'ohs' and 'too soon's go 'round.  Christmas carols already?  Aisles filled with ornaments and wrappings and ribbons when we haven't even cut the turkey yet?  Ugh, oh, too soon! But, Santa, you embody all that is good and right in the human being.  You are kind and gentle, happy and generous, hard working and persistent.  You don't let little things get you down, in fact they prop you up (go elves go!).  You're overweight, but who cares?  You don't see color, race, religion, or any of those artificial...

p.s. Read This , you'll be glad you did. p.s.s. if you're a blogspot user, convert to the new editor, its fantastic.

So, I'm reading this book. And I'm fascinated by it, captivated by it. And it's not Twilight. I've read that already. Remember? It's a little ditty called Fahrenheit 451 . Perhaps you've heard of it? It occurs to me that many people have probably already read it as required reading for a class or something. But I never have. And DUDE! It sets my brain a'spinnin. I am not quite halfway through it and there are so many quotes that speak to the times we live in (that alone is amazing since the book was first published 50 years ago. That's right, fifty! Five oh!) - the questions we ask ourselves, the choices we make. As society speeds up, makes itself more convenient, caters to every minority, spreads the wealth and shortens our attention spans, we lose. A little here, a little there. Ground, personality, choice, money, freedom, opinion. "If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him ...

Have you ever wanted to be that really mean person ? The one that speaks her mind regardless of the outcome? The one that never, ever apologizes or says thank you? The one that takes a mile for every inch? The one that bends and twists every situation until she is at the center? The one who thinks "I" more than "YOU"? Have you ever just wanted to dip your toes in the mean pool? I bet it's full of tinkle. image here

Today, I am MOM , ruler of the household universe, holder of the tickets to bed time, surveyor of all things not cleaned up, approver of all work done and to be done. I am mighty. Tomorrow I might be WIFE, one who is taken care of, receiver of gifts, demander of kisses, to be protected and adored - nay! admired until the smile stretches across my face in satisfaction. Yesterday (and many days) I am SNIPPET, girl of a whip-lash mood, sharp of tongue, pouter of lips, and yeller of all things loud. I am often unpleasant on these days. Some days I am CHILD, growing and changing my ideas by the moment, a leaf in the wind tossed about, a constantly changing sprout. There are times I am DAUGHTER, a willing participant in the lives of my parents, clinging to them, snatching their free time to claim it as my own, morphing into their shadows. I feel lucky when I am SISTER, completely surrounded by all that is best in my character, teased and coddled by turns, laughed at and with, a puzzle p...